There are plenty of us who’ve donated our own precious free time to read the works of Jonathan Franzen—though whether it was worth it to give up hours (days maybe!) of viable television watching in order to slog through Freedom or Purity is highly debatable. Too bad that none of us were as enterprising as Amy Collier, the Boston woman who’s currently raising money to help her on her courageous journey towards conquering the works of America’s most overrated author (at a cost).

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“You couldn’t pay me to read anything by Jonathan Franzen,” Collier writes on her Kickstarter page. “Just kidding, if someone wants to pay me $5000 or more, I will.”

So far, she’s raised $1,242 from six backers (not bad for joke crowdfunding). It’s worth noting, too, that not all of Franzen’s books are created equal:

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Here are my Franzen reading rates:

Freedom: $5,000

The Corrections: $10,000

Purity: $25,000

Breakup Stories: $100,000

The rates are negotiable, but not that negotiable. (You are always welcome to pay me more than the base.) Originally the first marker was going to be $1000, but then I was told I was lowballing prices, so here we are.

Switch The Corrections and Freedom and that seems like a very fair price list.

“My greatest risk is potentially reaching my goal and having to read a book by Jonathan Franzen,” Collier adds (bravely). “I mean, can you imagine??”

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Yes, unfortunately I can.

Best of luck, Amy. We’re all praying for you.


Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.

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Image via Getty.