Dude Very Secure In His Sexuality Robs Auto Parts Store With a Maxipad On His Face

Earlier this week in Apple Valley, California, a man robbed an auto-parts store while using a Maxipad to conceal his face. The disguise didn’t work—thanks to a clear surveillance video and a familiarity with the suspect, police were able to track him down quickly.

Gary Victor, the 51-year-old so-called “Maxipad Bandit,” was arrested after he plucked an armload of free batteries and flashlights from a store specializing in auto parts.

NBC Los Angeles reports that Victor made several mistakes during his robbery attempt. First, he was high as fuck on a substance that hasn’t been identified; second, he used a Maxipad for a disguise (which, while protecting and absorbing, does nothing to hide one’s face); third, Victor cased the joint with his face uncovered, so police had very clear footage of him rolling up to the store and looking through the window without wearing a feminine hygiene product to obscure his features. At least he waited until the store closed to make sure no one was hurt, though.

Here’s how store owner Mark Wedell described what happened:

“We had a pretty good picture of his face cause he came to the store the first time and looked in the window without his maxipad on,” Wedell said, chuckling somewhat. “But when he came back and he had the maxipad over his eyes I guess he thought it was going to take care of everything.

While Victor doesn’t get any points for robbing the place, you kind of have to give him at least one very slow and unenthusiastic round of applause for the difficulty of his attempt. Not only is he wearing a tank top and shorts to commit a crime, but it doesn’t look like the pad has eye holes, meaning that he had to either look down the entire time to see where he was going or that he used it kind of like a visor, angling it away from his eyes so he could still see while being provided the maximum facial coverage.

Why a pad? Perhaps—and this is pure speculation here—he’s a huge Geordi La Forge fan who simply didn’t have the resources to make a better Star Trek-style disguise. Doesn’t explain why he didn’t wear gloves, though. See how sad this story is? We’re over here giving tips on robbery to this criminal mastermind.