Jezebel: Dow

The Economy Sucks, Condi Has No Advice And Saxby Chambliss Is A Perv

Megan Carpentier — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:30:00 EST

Now that it's been a full year of shitty economic news, we are officially in a recession and have been for a year. Aren't you glad to know? [MSNBC]
The market is not glad to know, and it slid almost 700 points after learning the obvious. [NY Times]
In other obvious news, Condoleezza Rice doesn't plan to give much advice to Hillary Clinton. What advice she does give, we're guessing Clinton doesn't plan on following. [MSNBC]
Bill Clinton is pretty happy about Hillary's nomination, though. [Real Clear Politics]

More Transitions: Everyone From Obama To Alan Colmes To Citibank Is Changing

Megan Carpentier — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 18:30:00 EST

Barack Obama made it official with Tim Geithner today, announcing that he will nominate Geither to the Treasury Department. Former Treasury Secretary Larry "Math Is Hard For Girls" Summers is headed to the top of the White House Economic Council and Berkeley economics professor Christina Romer will head the Council of Economic Advisers. Betcha she does math pretty well. [NY Times]
Former Joe Biden aide Ted Kaufman has been appointed to fill Biden's Senate seat for two years, at which point everyone in the state assumes he'll quietly step down and let the currently-deployed Beau Biden run for it. [Associated Press]
Susan Rice, who most people thought was about to get dicked over when it leaked that Jim Jones will head the National Security Council, is actually in the running to be our Ambassador to the U.N. [Washington Independent]
Former Iowa governor Tom Vilsack swears he's not in the running to be Secretary of Agriculture. [Washington Post]

McCainiac Nicolle Wallace Will Not Be Left Holding The Garment Bag

Megan Carpentier — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 18:30:06 EDT

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The officially-designated GOP scapegoat for Wardrobe-gate appears to be McCain aide Nicolle Wallace (left), despite the fact that I guarantee she knows how to put together a wardrobe for less than $150,000. Wallace isn't "going to engage" with people until after the campaign, but she knows the score and her memory doesn't even have to be that long. [Think Progress, Politico]
Speaking of the score, Vanity Fair and the National Security News Service are apparently pursuing reports that McCain killed a guy in a car accident (implication: drunk driving) in 1964 and the Navy is still covering it up. Who knew the October surprise would be about McCain? Karl Rove must really hate him. [Huffington Post]
Joe The Motherfucking Plumber officially endorsed McCain today, and said that Obama would be the end of Israel. What the fuck does JTMP know about Israel? Joe doesn't know jack, actually, and even Fox News had to admit that. [CBS, Huffington Post]

Erin Burnett, Peggy Noonan Bear Witness To The Collapse Of The Economy... And McCain

Megan Carpentier — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 10:30:00 EDT

Another Friday, another week in which our country tumbles into financial ruin, the Presidential race tumbles further into the gutter and some Americans tumble further into an ugly, inexplicable, terrifying rage...so who better to try and soothe me with assertions about how it all doesn't matter because we're just going to end up scrounging for change on the street anyway than Moe Tkacik? We both crush a little on Erin Burnett and David Faber, but then descend into a chaos more poignant than that to which we pay witness to on CNBC or at McCain/Palin rallies. More »

Righteously Insulted At Republican Slurs And Unrighteous Rage

Megan Carpentier — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 18:40:00 EDT

Remember Oliver Clark? He asked a question at Tuesday's debate on the economy and John McCain told him he "probably" hadn't ever heard of Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac. Well, it turns out he has a B.A. in PoliSci, a Masters in Legal Studies, and is in the midst of a Masters in Public Administration. So, he'd heard of them both, and he thought McCain's remark was condescending — and he's right. [MSNBC]
Oh, speaking of telegraphing contempt and racism, former Oklahoma Governor Frank Keating called Obama "a guy of the street" and suggested he should admit to the drug use he's already admitted to. Frank ought to admit that he's just trying out something BET founder Bob Johnson tried on Hillary's behalf in January in South Carolina that failed so spectacularly. [Huffington Post , NY Times]
Other things John McCain is stealing from Hillary? His mortgage buyout plan. He thinks that'll make us fickle ladies vote for him. [UPI]

Barack Obama Is American Compassion

Megan Carpentier — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 18:30:00 EDT

A new poll shows that 55 percent of Americans think Obama cares more about people like them. No, they didn't show anyone this picture first. [CNN]
They also didn't show it to the white women surveyed by Rutgers University’s Center for American Women and Politics who helped show that Palin's nomination hasn't disrupted the traditional gender gap between Republicans and Democrats on a long-term basis. [Politico]
And obviously no one showed it to the guy who accused Obama of treason at a Palin rally, because, really, even Norman Rockwell would throw up his hands and turn to abstract art if he saw this picture. [Huffington Post]
But back to the whole accusing the other guy of your own missteps meme, Cindy McCain says that Obama has "waged the dirtiest campaign in American history." Riiiight. [Huffington Post]

The Drinking Will Start Early, But The Bailout Will Start Late, If At All

Megan Carpentier — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 18:30:00 EDT

That compromise bailout plan intended to save the economy? Yeah, it failed. [Washington Post]
The Dow proceeded to drop 778 points, the largest one-day loss in nearly 2 decades. Many people just kissed their asses and life savings goodbye. [Washington Post]
Republicans blame Nancy Pelosi for giving an offensive speech before the vote, which included partisan remarks like recognizing that Bush inherited surpluses and now the economy sucks. [Politico, Swampland]
Barney Frank responded to those criticisms thusly: "Because somebody hurt their feelings, they decide to punish the country." Fucking crybabies. [Huffington Post]

McCain Surrogate Carly "SNL Was Sexist" Fiorina Goes Out With A Bang

Megan Carpentier — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 10:00:00 EDT

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Oh, did you hear? Carly Fiorina has canceled all her remaining television appearances this week and will be taking a short media-oxygen-free nap due to some little things she said yesterday. Other people that should join her in her media-vacuum? Maureen Dowd, who Jason Linkins totally Rick-Rolled me with this morning, and our favorite elitist-against-elitism Clinton/McCain supporter Lynn Forester de Rothschild. All that, plus we find out that the U.S. Embassy in Yemen was bombed and we dismiss it almost as fast as real cable newspeople (but with our sad faces in place, just like them!) and a recommendation for Pennsylvania Senator Bob Casey. More »