Jezebel: Douchebags

Ann Coulter Is Totally Edgy, Uses Words Like 'Douchebag' On National Television

Erin Gloria Ryan — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 15:55:00 EST

Ann Coulter, edgy youth voice of the American cranky old racist movement, was bleeped on MSNBC's Morning Joe today for calling fellow crab John McCain a "douchebag." More »

"You Caught The First Hot Jet Of My Ropey Elixir; It Will Intoxicate You"

Jenna Sauers — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 18:58:00 EST

In some ways, living as an expat is still basically the stuff of one of those claustrophobic novels about stupid British people in colonial Kenya or whatever, or, like, The Sheltering Sky only maybe less trippy and with more bureaucracy. More »

Unmarried 29-Year Old New York Blogger Somehow A Novelty

Erin Gloria Ryan — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 11:50:00 EST

"All women have that no-sex-on-the-first-date rule, and all women want a reason to break it," writes bachelor blogger and spokesperson for all women Jozen Cummings. God, this "men talking for women" crap again? I'm bored already. More »

What's Next For 2010's Worst Dudes?

Anna North — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 14:00:19 EST

Last year saw its share of douchebags, assholes, and generally repellent people. Here's what we think — or hope — will happen to them this year. More »

Duke Frat Boys Are Still Expert Douchebags

Irin Carmon — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 17:20:00 EDT

Duke frat boys would like the world to know that they still have the stranglehold on the douche factor, thank you very much. More »

Free Drinks And Ladies' Night: Is The Whole Thing Sexist?

Katy Kelleher — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 13:30:00 EDT

Our favorite anti-feminist lawyer is back, and for once, he's gloating rather than complaining. According to the Star Tribune, Roy Den Hollander was pretty excited to hear that the Minnesota Department of Human Rights has cracked down on Ladies' Night. More »

Is Your Douchebag Handy For Traveling?

Katy Kelleher — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 12:40:00 EST

"The only improvement made in douche bags in twenty years," trumpets this (possibly NSFW) absurd ad for a vaginal irrigation system, oddly named the "Dainty Maid." [Copyranter] More »

Tucker Max Now Embroidering Polo Shirts

Anna North — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 14:10:00 EST

Need a gift for the assclown on your list? Perhaps he'd like this polo shirt embroidered with a pair of breasts. As a bonus, the Washington City Paper's Amanda Hess points out, "they look like balls from far away." [Sexist] More »

4 Reasons The Douchebag Has Jumped The Shark

Anna North — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 14:00:00 EST

While we're on the subject of language, I'd like to point out that both the word "douchebag" and the concept it stands for are, like, totally over. After the jump, four reasons why. More »

Discrimination Against Douchebags Continues

Anna North — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 10:20:00 EST

An Australian club night has banned "metrosexuals" in an attempt to reduce fighting. But a look at the dress code — no Ed Hardy shirts, no popped collars — suggests they're actually banning douchebags. [News.com.au] More »

Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains

Anna North — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:20:00 EDT

"We are douchebags, and it's not a bad word anymore," proclaim the collar-popping, beer-can-crushing, Ed-Hardy-wearing, Axe-body-spraying stars of this video from earlier this week. But what kind of douchebags are they? Perhaps a helpful chart can tell us. [FunnyOrDie, BuzzFeed] More »

Nominations: The Ass-Hat, Cat-Call Hall Of Fame

Sadie Stein — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 16:30:00 EDT

The other day, a friend of mine was waiting for a light to change when a dude on a bicycle pulled to a slow stop in front of her, blocking her path. "I'd like to scoop you up," he said... More »

Get Rid Of Vaginal Odor With Stainless Steel Douche

Margaret Hartmann — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 16:20:00 EDT

You may have seen the commercial at left on late night TV. Apparently European women have discovered a brand new way to get rid of "unpleasant" lady odors, and it involves using a metal douche. More »

Japanese Students Form "Miscarriage Club" • Virginia Madsen Supports Ski-Jumping

Katy Kelleher — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 17:20:00 EDT

• A group of junior high students in Japan formed a "Miscarriage Club" to harass their pregnant teacher, who they accused of playing favorites. • More »

Sarah Haskins Explains The Sheer Evil Of Carl's Jr. Ads

Dodai Stewart — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 15:00:00 EDT

The latest installment of Target: Women is Douchebaggery 101. Instead of a textbook, you'll be learning by watching commercials for Carl's Jr. For instance: More »

Spike TV Makes Us Stabby • Woman Arrested For Streaking In IHOP

Katy Kelleher — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:30:00 EST

• The douche-y dudes at Spike have compiled a list of the top 7 "Butterbodies" (you can guess what that means). Their absurd roundup includes the impeccably gorgeous Salma Hayek. What are they smoking? • More »

"I Suspect That Rather Than Your Boyfriends Being The 'Bad Element' Of Your Past Relationships, In Some Way You Were"

Megan Carpentier — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 17:00:00 EST

In movies, a male protagonist is often gifted with the magical power of seeing directly into the soul of a woman with whom he's had virtually no contact. In the real world, however, when a guy purports to do this, words like "stalking" and "armchair psychoanalysis" come to mind. Which, of course, brings us to "Doug" and "Kate," who met in a 2-month training seminar. Doug, naturally, saw his soulmate in her ~~breasts~~ eyes, and asked her out repeatedly, finally inviting her to what she thought was a group event and what turned out to be a one-on-one of cheezy romantic gestures and overplanned scenarios. When she then declined further invitations, he showed up one night unannounced, begging for her to be his girlfriend, and then whining for sex. She turned him down on both counts, but then got her own, personalized psychological profile for free!

Dear Models Of The World: Are We All Too Busy Starving Ourselves To Form A Union Already?

Moe — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 16:40:00 EDT

Modeling. I'll be honest: I didn't really give much of a shit about the plight of its willowy practitioners before I met Tatiana. Now, Tatiana's going to be okay: she's doing this to travel and learn and meet the sort of people you wouldn't meet performing the other types of slave labor to which educated young twentysomethings generally subject themselves, but the rest of them remind me of all those once-promising high school basketball players languishing in foreign club teams and living paycheck to paycheck in incredibly cramped quarters with nothing getting them up in the morning beyond the whole "Well, I've held out this long…" rationale. Which is to say, models are just like us. Except! In what other industry can your boss get away with telling an 108-pound cash cow like Coco Rocha: "We don't want you to be anorexic, we just want you to look it"? I mean, sure, it's one thing to "look" anorexic to me, an objective observer, but this is an industry, as we found out yesterday, in which the conventional wisdom holds that Karolina Kurkova is "fat"? Anyway, after last week's harrowing experience volunteering for the Plutocracy, Tatiana came up with some good ideas for reforming the business. We really do hope the agencies of the world take her advice! More »

Paul Janka, John Fitzgerald Page Try To Out-Douche Each Other On Dr. Phil

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Wed, 07 May 2008 19:00:00 EDT

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"Casanova Caveman" Paul Janka and "The Worst Person in the World" John Fitzgerald Page both appeared on Dr. Phil today for a show about men with huge egos. I, for one, would be shocked if either of these 'bags get laid anytime soon — if ever again — because they just let millions of women know just what giant tools they are. Here's the thing: It's not necessarily bad that Janka just wants to get laid, or that Page wants to date a "certain caliber" of women. It's the way they go about it that sucks. Dr. Phil caught Page — a man who complains about the lack of honesty women exhibit in online dating — in a lie about his age. And Janka's whole being is a huge front. The fact that he views sexual relationships as a game, in which he wins (which I guess makes the women he sleeps with the losers?), is insulting. Plus, he admits to eating Clif bars for "player power." Clip above, and after the jump, some priceless audience reaction shots. More »

The first beloved entertainer to break America's...

Moe — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 12:45:00 EST

The first beloved entertainer to break America's heart by defying the Writers Guild strike and solicit scabs is... Carson Daly. Huh? Oh yeah, Last Call — there's a show you were really pining for! Anyway, I had to Wikipedia Carson to fill up on all the biographical tidbits I'd missed in all those years passing him off as "one of the first in a long list of amiably bland LA dudes who ascends to 'stardom' for no reason other than an acute talent void" (and shit, I always wished I had gotten into My Name Is Earl, because I love Jason Lee, and this news would be soooooooo much funnier if I'd known ahead of time that the storyline revolves around thinking Carson Daly is the inventor of "karma.") Anyway, here's hoping some striking writers are having a good laugh sitting around prank-calling Carson's joke hotline while high. [The Smoking Gun] More »

Do Guys Have A Problem When You Pay For Shit?

Moe — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 11:30:18 EDT

"Dating down" on the income ladder is apparently a hot new trend for girls because they're so much more educated than dudes these days. I call bullshit on this trend because between the student loans and handbag collections it necessitates, a fancy job just makes a girl poorer, and to that point the New York Times produced Lori Weiss.

So as not to flaunt her own salary, Lori Weiss, a 29-year-old lawyer in Manhattan, has found herself clipping price tags off expensive clothes she buys on shopping binges, or hiding shopping bags in the closet just so men she was dating would not see them lying around and feel threatened by her spending power.

Anyway I consulted Don, the only guy I've ever dated who was financially worse off than I am, and here's his most salient observation about Lori Weiss (pictured above left) to give you an idea of what he thought about all the women who try not to let on to potential suitors the extent of their wealth and fabulousness: More after the jump. More »

We agree. There's something really creepy...

Anna Holmes — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 11:45:00 EDT

We agree. There's something really creepy about this old-tyme ad for Massengill douches. And honestly, did doctors once actually recommend douching to their patients? [Feministing, via YouTube] More »

'Vanity Fair' Endorses Ralph Lauren For President. Could Tory Burch Be His Running Mate?

Moe — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 16:00:03 EDT

Ever wonder whether there's a man on earth who thinks Ralph Lauren is more important than Ralph Lauren himself? No? Hey, that's why God created Vanity Fair, which assigned one Paul Goldberger to try and draft the esteemed aficionado of shores/offshoring into maybe throwing his hat in the ring for Decision '08:

In a sense, Lauren's sales pitches are like the come-ons of a great politician, which is why I have begun to wonder whether Lauren may have more in common with figures such as Ronald Reagan and Teddy Roosevelt than with any other designer. Like them, he has built his success on a belief that the world is pretty good as it is, but that he can make it better still; all we need to do is trust him and follow along.

And can't we just see it now.... The platform: "Why Bother Letting It Trickle Down Economics." As laid out in a bestselling memoir, The Audacity Of That Fucking Turd-Sized Logo... More »

Anne Hathaway Looks Perfect... Except For That Douchebag Boyfriend Right Behind Her

Anna Holmes — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 14:10:00 EDT

Fucking Republicans: As Bad As You Think

Moe — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:39:11 EDT

Confession. We never really had a problem before with the idea of Republicans getting laid, because we wouldn't be here if Republicans didn't get laid, and we definitely wouldn't be dirty Marxists if Republicans didn't get laid, and it's also not like WE have to be the ones to do it. But a story in today's Washington City Paper about the online community Late Night Shots, which is like the internet version of all the gross Georgetown bars where the Bush twins hang out, is making us reevaluate the universal right to bone, starting with the very first paragraph.

The three guys sitting at the bar at Town Hall in Georgetown swear it's a true story: A friend of theirs called a buddy in the middle of a sexual conquest, placing his cell phone out of view. When the voice mail picked up, it recorded him asking his lady, "You like that Republican cock?"

Sekkksy! Genuine racism masquerading as ironic racism, people who don't understand how women larger than a size 4 have sex with the lights on, and some rather uh Hobbesean pick-up attempts after the jump. More »

Tom Ford Reaches Out To Those Wrongfully "Deprived Of Luxury", Staffs Store With Butlers, Maids

Moe — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 14:57:37 EDT

Most of the men in our lives have a similar issue with today's clothes: How to find stuff that isn't so tight as to make them look gay/Euro/"vegan", but isn't so boxy as to make them look Republican/frat/fat. Enter Tom Ford. We referenced Ford's $75 socks earlier, but after reading pieces in the WSJ and Washington Post about his new Madison Avenue store, we feel compelled to add that the 3-story "atelier" is going to be staffed by real maids and butlers in an effort to make it seem more like Ford's own home, and also that his target audience is not simply metrosexuals but specifically '"rich businessmen in the U.S. and developing countries who 'have been deprived of luxury.'" More »