Image of a bad man via AP

Your shitty racist uncle Donald Trump is taking all the credit for pallid Pullman loaf Mike Pence’s performance in the vice-presidential debate on Tuesday because naturally, he can’t let anyone have anything for themselves.

Tuesday night’s debate was a shit show, but Trump is sticking by his man. In a campaign stop in Nevada on Wednesday, Trump took all the credit for whatever it is Pence did, saying “I’m getting a lot of credit because this was my so-called first choice, that was my first hire as we would say.” He also called Pence “cool” and “smart” and said that “Mike had the single most decisive victory in the history of presidential debates.”

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Quite the statement! But did Mike Pence actually “win”? Did anyone win at that thing? According to my queen Sally Kohn, all Pence did was what he was hired to do: help Donald Trump in his mission to continue to ruin the previously established notion of fact. At CNN, she writes:

Donald Trump and Mike Pence’s strategy seems to be to repeat lies often enough to convince 51% of voters that they’re the truth. And unfortunately, what actually is true doesn’t matter as much as what voters believe to be true. Donald Trump has already bent the electoral process, the media and the boundaries of basic civility to his whims. He may now bend the concept of fact as well. Certainly, his loyal running mate is trying.

“Loyal” is too kind. In an interview with Rush Limbaugh Wednesday, Pence said “I’m very encouraged that some people think I won, but really I’m just telling you ... from where I sat Donald Trump won. He really did.” It would seem that Trump keeps this man on a very short leash. While Pence is responsible for some of the most reprehensible and invasive abortion legislation in the country, being so close to Trump’s blinding orange orbit and having to parrot praise to the press sounds like absolute torture. I don’t feel sorry for him, but I would not wish his position on anybody.

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In tangential news, at the same campaign stop in Nevada, Trump explained to a crowd of people from Nevada how properly to pronounce the name of their state. That’s one way to get them to vote for you, my dude!

After watching this video at least twice in a row, I now no longer know how to pronounce “Nevada.” I have effectively played myself.