Chris Martin and his Coldplay gang released their new video for a song called "Magic" today, and it seems like perfect timing. With all of Martin and soon-to-be ex-wife Gwyneth Paltrow's conscious uncoupling and how celebrity divorce these days means taking a final beach vacation together — presumably to politely discuss just how much you dislike each other but how you must remain civil for the kids— we saw a few signs of Martin's real life in this clip. Let's dig in shall we?

1. An attractive woman throwing daggers at Martin's head while he's strapped to a spinning wheel in the name of magic ... or love?

2. But he's in love with the woman throwing these dangerous sharp objects at his person, because love hurts, you know?

3. Also, he's in grave danger but the audience is thrilled to watch him squirm. This is where we, the public, are perhaps to blame for reading gossip rags like US Weekly and really hoping that original Vanity Fair story leaks on to the Internet soon. Don't act like it's just me.

4. Then Chris learns he can levitate himself and other things, sort of like remembering what it is like to be happy after a difficult relationship?

5. But for the sake of this Like Water for Elephants storyline, let's say that the mean abusive man, also played by Martin, is Gwyneth and Chris secures his freedom when he magics her/him away by literally sending her into the sky, until she's just disappears. Now that's what I call a conscious uncoupling.

5a. Or maybe Ziyi Zhang is actually Alexa Chung, you know, if the rumors are right and all, and with Gwyneth in the clouds, Chris and his new girl can enjoy life on stage and off.

5b. Or, since Martin is playing both the kind magician's assistant and the mean abusive man, him sending his bizarro angry personality into the sky perhaps is Martin freeing himself from his unhappy past with the Goop leader?