Did Kacey Musgraves Burn Tim Tebow at the CMAs? An Investigation

On Wednesday night, Tim Tebow (noted for being very into both god and himself) suffered humiliation when Kacey Musgraves refused to shake his hand at the CMAs. But is the snub all that it seems? I spoke with several experts to find out.

First, you need to know what’s been going on: Tim Tebow tried to offer Kacey Musgraves his hand and she kind of ignored him and turned around with what appears to be a look of disgust. And then someone made a vine of it and added some sound effects and it’s actually pretty hilarious, so you should watch this if you’re having a bad day. Or a good day. Or are alive and well on this planet and not hating yourself for once because you didn’t spend three dollars to up your “inspiration” in the Piano City app for the iPhone. (Not that I have any experience with that.)

Here, watch:

Now some, mainly people in the Uproxx comments, are suggesting that Tebow was trying to offer Musgraves a helping hand and that people are just mocking him because he’s a fine southern gentleman in a world of declining ethics and morals and also too many liberals handing out abortions to anyone that wants one*. But that seems too simplistic, so I set out to ask my colleagues about what was really going on.

While several of my co-workers were busy fussing about with emoji and asking why I don’t ever do any real work instead of just posting memes in the work chat room, I was able to snag the opinions of some noted experts in the field of body language and aesthetics.

Kelly Faircloth, noted leisurewear connoisseur: I feel like Tim Tebow feels compelled to offer help where it is not needed; like when you’re in a tight dress and tall shoes you need to balance it yourself or you will fall over. A hand will just fuck with you. but tebow is probably very invested in his idea of himself as chivalrous man.

Kara Brown, resident shade expert: She just wasn’t paying attention or being rude. Not shade.

Madeleine Davies, knower of all things occult: I think she just didn’t notice but maybe that’s because she is spell casting. What kind of spell? “Keep This Hair On.”

Jia Tolentino, was once on reality TV and is therefore a body language expert: my read, without seeing the video, is that Kacey had to poop.

My opinion: She didn’t want to shake his hand because smarm is catching. But also: Was he trying to shake her hand or give her one? How deep does this go? And how soon before we start seeing conspiracy theories and fan fiction about this on the internet? (I hope very soon.) (Because I am very, very bored with my life.)

*I made that last part up for dramatic effect. I think it worked very well. an 8/10 at least.