Today, a Canadian underwear company announced that certain customers will now qualify for $50,000 worth of free penis insurance.
Now that I've got your thorough and complete attention, the terms and conditions. The Huffington Post reports that the deal starts Saturday and applies to any man who orders at least three pairs of UNDZ undergarments. The policy is from Lloyd's of London; I'm no Consumer Reports, but that seems like a pretty good value! The company made a gruesome promotional video and everything.
Why, you ask? Why not? Why insure your house, but not your dick?
"A man can get insurance for his car, dog, house, land and life but not for his penis? Well, I thought that was absurd," UNDZ founder Bernard Dore said in a press release. "UNDZ is making it possible for men all over the world to protect their most important asset and we are excited to have the backing of one of the most prominent insurance companies in the world."
There are, however, stipulations. Sex-change operations are not covered, and nor can you simply ask a pal to lop your peen off for the cash. "This is to prevent people from intentionally removing the penis," according to a spokesperson. So let's keep the insurance fraud to a minimum, folks.