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I like to think I have decent judgement about guys, but this was my bad. A few months back I hired a nerdy little fuck named David Seaman for the preposterously well-remunerated position of Jezebel intern and no sooner did that happen was I forced to fire him. In her defense, Anna did not like him. But in my defense, David seemed to me ambitious in a familiar way, like most alumni of the college from which I dropped out, which also happens to be the alma mater of Donald Trump and Melissa Rivers, so there you fucking go. So like I sad, it was my bad. I was busy! Also in my defense, it's not like I would have slept with him. Especially when I bestowed upon him the nickname "D-Splooge" and he immediately commenced signing all his emails "D-Splooge," only to ask at our first-ever intern meeting, totally earnestly: "So, where did you get that nickname anyway?" (Hint: Seaman SOUNDS LIKE SEMEN). More »
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