Congratulations, America! We Are Now the World's Biggest Winos

Attention red-blooded American patriots—I have very important news. America just surpassed France as the world's biggest market for wine.

Congratulations, America! We Are Now the World's Biggest Winos

WOO-HOO! Yay America! Go blue jeans Cadillac bald eagle! SUCK IT, FRANCE. WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE!

Via The New York Times:

Americans bought 29.1 million hectoliters of wine in 2013, a rise of 0.5 percent on 2012, while French consumption fell nearly 7 percent to 28.1 million hectoliters, the International Organization of Vine and Wine said Tuesday.

But we still have more work to do!

American drinkers are, however, still far behind in terms of consumption per head. According to per-capita figures that date from 2011, the average French person still gets through almost 1.2 bottles a week, about six times what the average American drinks. Over all, world wine consumption last year fell by 1 percent to 239 million hectoliters.

Come on Team America, you can do it! According to Reuters, wine consumption is changing across the globe:

"In countries such as France, Italy and Spain, people used to drink a lot of wine, but consumption habits are changing," OIV director general Jean-Marie Aurand ‎said on the sidelines of a news conference in Paris. "We drink less wine by volume, more quality wine. And there is also competition from other drinks such as beer."

"In the U.S., it is different and they are starting from a lower level per capita, so they have a tendency to consume more and more, notably quality wine," he told Reuters.

That's right, America! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS.

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND!!!! AND WE'LL KEEP ON DRINKING WINE TILL THE END! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS NO TIME FOR FRENCH LIGHTWEIGHTS CAUSE WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS——OF THE WINE!!!!!!!

Thus concludes the greatest news story of the evening.

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