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The

This Week We Waged War On Terrible TV Hostesses

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dirt sandwich

Did the 'Extra' Jinx Finally Catch Up With Sarah Silverman?

FROM DEFAMER.COM: If you haven't yet done so this summer, there's no time like the present to pack a few bottles, grab a blanket and head down to park for some fresh air and a picnic. More »

Lost And Found Friday feel-good alert! In 1991, 6-year old Lopez Lomong was snatched from his family and taken by Sudanese rebels to be one of the numerous child soldiers who came to be known as the "Lost Boys of the Sudan." Lopez was eventually able to escape and was ultimately discovered in a work camp by Catholic Charities, who placed him with an American family in upstate New York, where he quickly became a cross-country and track star. "In my country, soccer players are athletes," he said. "But runners? Everybody runs. You want to go to a neighbor's house, you run. You want to go to school, you run." Now, Lopez is competing in the Beijing Olympics. More remarkable still, he's been reunited with his birth family, who had long assumed their son was dead. (In the movie version, he'll obviously win Gold.) [The Guardian]

news roundup

Everyone β€” Even Jack Cafferty β€” Ends Up Disappointing

  • Cudmudgeonly uncle-anchor Jack Cafferty has disappointed millions of women everywhere by saying, "Viagra is used to treat a medical condition, erectile dysfunction. Birth control is a lifestyle choice," when discussing John McCain's little birth control gaffe. Jack, sweetie, birth control pills do treat medical conditions and there's a good economic argument (pregnancy is expensive) for covering them. Erectile dysfunction, however, is God's way of telling you to keep it in your pants, old man. [Crooks & Liars]
  • John McCain has proved a disappointment to the Secret Service by letting slip details of Barack Obama's highly secret-for-his-own-safety trip to Iraq and Afghanistan. Man, he really will do anything to keep playing his commercial about how Obama's never been. [Talking Points Memo, The Atlantic]
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Universal Harassment

Many Egyptian Men Think Women Deserve To Be Harassed

In a recent survey that could hurt Egypt's tourism industry, two-thirds of Egyptian men admit to harassing women and most of them blame women for wearing tight clothes and not being home by 8 pm. Of course, harassment is defined as everything from hollering at and ogling women to whipping it out and groping (more commonly referred to here as "crimes for which one can be jailed") but, regardless, foreign women and Egyptian women have one thing in common — they don't like it. More »


Loose Lips Britney will now be paying K-Fed $20,000 a month in child support. She was previously paying him $15,000. In return, she's getting more authorized overnights with her kids. β€’ Have you seen these pics of Katie Holmes' creepy purple hands? According to Perez she is doing some bizarre Scientology ritual called Purification Rundown or "Purif" which involves taking "vitamin bombs" to remove "toxins" from the body. Uh, OK then! β€’ Khloe Kardashian actually looks really pretty in her mug shot. Not really an accomplishment, but there it is. [People, Perez, TMZ ]

Leftovers

Adopted Panda Passes Away β€’ Woman Buys Baby For $1,000

Sad news: Remember that baby red panda that was adopted by a domestic cat and her four kittens? The panda died, apparently after choking on milk. β€’ Russia's booming economy (combined with weak borders and no laws for victim's rights) means more sex slaves and human trafficking. β€’ An Army training plan to shoot live pigs and treat their wounds to teach medics how to treat wounded soldiers has angered PETA. β€’ A woman with a previous charge of plotting to steal another woman's infant claims to have bought a baby for $1,000 from an unknown woman. More »

The infallible Perez Hilton is reporting that master-draper Rami Kashou, of Project Runway 4, was attacked last night at Los Angeles club The Abbey, and was apparently rushed to the hospital after taking a glass bottle to the face. Here's hoping this is one of Perez's less-reliable tips. [PerezHilton]


Missdemeanors

Miley Cyrus Is A "Whore," Eva Longoria Is "Fat," & "Ugly People" Should Live In A Concentration Camp

Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week, Eva Longoria is fat and Miley Cyrus is a slut. That's all anyone wanted to blog about...really. (Remember ladies! In gossip blog land you can never be too thin or too virginal.) As usual, the continued degradation of female celebrities and their corresponding punishments, after the jump. Let the Jezebel Justice system begin! More »


Trash tv

Sarah Haskins Has A Problem With Marketing Family Meals To Moms

Our new favorite, wonderfully funny critic, Sarah Haskins, is at it again. Her new video, Target Women: Feeding Your F—-ing Family dissects and pokes fun at commercials for brands like Manwich, Crock-Pot, Tyson Chicken Breast and El Pollo Loco — in which women are encouraged to keep their kids and husband happy with food. Sarah would rather order takeout Pad Thai, making her a woman after our own stomachs. The clip, after the jump. More »

Reader Roundup Best Comment of the Day, in response to The Milky Way: "Oh good, a conversation piece for those occasions where my pearl necklace would be too formal." We say: it depends on what kind of "pearl necklace" you're talking about. β€’ Worst, in response to Loose Lips: "Not surprised in the least about Salma Hayek. I called this one the first time I heard the 'e' word. She only wanted the kid. And got a billionaire to cover the expenses for the kid for the rest of her life. And that whole "engaged" thing was just to make her pregnancy seem more socially acceptable. He wasn't just a bucket of sperm to her...it was looooooove. Until enough time went by so that she could dump him and still maintain some credibility." We say: Jesus, woman: did Salma Hayek take a hit out on your dog or something?

pot psychology

"My Girlfriend Has Had Four Abortions. Is That A Lot?"

It's time for another installment of Pot Psychology, the "advice" column in which everyone's problems are solved with an "herbal" remedy. (Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this very special Summer Jamz at the Jerzey Shore episode, the Stevie B to my Stacey Q, Rich, helps me answer questions about fisting, "large" vaginas, and Mariah Carey. Got a burning question? Send it to potpsych@jezebel.com. (Please keep them short; they're verrrry hard to read when stoned.) P.S. We like pictures because they're easier than reading, so feel free to send some our way. More »


Girls On Film

Movie Sex Still Has The Power To Titillate

The sex scene between Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie in the 1973 Nicholas Roeg classic Don't Look Now always makes the top ten lists of best cinematic nookie ever. And for good reason, as the Guardian's Mark Lawson points out: the scene is "an extended, fragmented, ecstatic encounter." But Lawson uses that sex scene, and other "soft-porn" scenes from the 70s, to prove a point that I don't necessarily agree with. More »