Coke Zero: The Beverage of Pathetic Men Everywhere

Guys, are you a sad sack piece of crap with delusions about your looks, talent, and abilities who can’t be counted on to perform the most basic of tasks? Well then, Coke Zero is for you!

In this ad for Coke Zero — it’s Diet Coke! For dudes! — a goofy loser who is somehow married (when did he have time for that? There are so many video games to play) wastes his life in front of Axe of the Goat. His wife asks him to pick up his in-laws at the airport, but he’d rather create unrealistic avatars and spend hours picking out his weapon of choice — all whilst drinking Diet Coke.

Ugh, aren’t we all tired of this dumb trope by now? Clueless/nagging wife, despondent/distracted husband, BOYS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!!1!! It’s like a twelve-year-old boy created the commercial based on what they think it’s like to be a grown-up. Tom Hanks in Big, you in there??

And not to get all technical on you, but that kid would totally drink Mountain Dew.