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A North Carolina dad lost his job for doing coke, and he's currently awaiting trial for dealing. But he still has partial custody of his kids — and because she won't let them go to his house, his ex-wife could go to jail. More »
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A new study shows that coke addiction might look different depending on the gender of the addict. While ladies are more likely to crave the drug in response to stress, guys seem to want coke in response to ... coke. More »
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Somewhere there is a drug dealer who is really pissed that 30 pounds of his choice coke has gone missing. But if he wanted it so badly, he shouldn't have mailed it to the United Nations. The cocaine was sent inside fake diplomatic pouches, and ended up in the UN's mailroom last week. People there immediately recognized the pouches as knock-offs. The real diplomatic mail bags have "United Nations" printed on them, as well as the logo. But these only had the logo, and didn't have any address, manifest, or anything—and yet for some reason DHL delivered them no questions asked. It's highly unlikely that some diplomat was having a load of coke delivered for a party. Instead, they think the fake pouches, which originated from Mexico, were meant to ensure the packages made it through border security without being inspected—but it looks like the plan worked a little too well. More »
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Here we all were thinking the cocaine-smeared baby changing tables of the world were bad, but it turns out it can get a lot worse. Thanks to one missing letter, this innocent public changing table has been transformed into a terrifying baby-hanging apparatus. Though with a label like that, only a sick freak would do coke anywhere near it, so, ironically, it's probably the cleanest place available to change your baby. More »
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Since parents aren't sufficiently stressed out and germophobic as it is, researchers set out to learn what nasty microbes are lurking on the tables where they change their babies in public. A study conducted on more than 100 changing tables in shopping centers, hospitals, police stations, and churches found that more than 92% contained traces of cocaine. Officials say the results are "shocking" and may be indicative of the increase in cocaine abuse in the region, but considering that money (and plenty of other things we touch) are coated in traces of the drug too, it seems unlikely that the contamination is solely due to addicts doing lines off of Koala Kare changing stations. Though, you should still be cautious about putting your precious child directly on those tables, because according to our scientific research they're coated in baby poop. More »
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A new study supports what that kid slouching in the back of math class with the black clothes and the copy of Das Kapital always claimed: smart people are more likely to do drugs. More »
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A woman has come forward to accuse boxer Oscar de la Hoya of coercing her into sex while he snorted coke and quoted Charlie Sheen. Oh, but that's not the really shocking thing. More »
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Latex is okay, booze is fine, preposterous platforms? Hell yes. But don't do coke, Lady Gaga chides. She was on Howard Stern's show yesterday, and said: "To any little sweethearts that are listening - don't touch cocaine, it's the devil." She explained her coke snorting days thusly: "I think that I was lonely and there was something about the drug that made me feel like I had a friend. And I regret every line that I ever did. Whatever my vagina whispers to me, I say yes - inspiration, it doesn't come all the time." Gaga also talked about the process of writing "Edge Of Glory" on the day her grandfather died: She said to her father, "Grandpa's about to cross over into his glorious moment. It's hard now because he's on the edge." And: "When my grandma was saying goodbye [to my grandfather], there was something so intense that happened for me that I saw ... as sad as the moment was, they both were acknowledging that they had really won in life because they had each other." [MTV, Showbiz Spy] More »
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Welcome to Jezebel After Midnight, in which we indulge in sexy sex talk. More »
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An article in today's New York Observer makes the bold claim, "Young New Yorkers no longer care about having sex." Lord help us all. More »
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Every Wednesday, we play Midweek Madness, in which we "read" the tabloids, so you don't "have" to. This week, Star creates a "Down Syndrome Drama" for Angelina's twins and Lady Gaga does cocaine to get ideas like "meat dress." More »
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• The video for Britney Spears' new single, "Hold It Against Me," should be premiering aaaaaaaany minute now.

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• As we know, Oprah found her long-lost sister. They laughed, they cried, they went on teevee and held hands. But what we don't know is how Oprah's BFF Gayle King feels about all this.

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]]> http://jezebel.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5745747&view=rss&microfeed=true Five teenage burglars stole the ashes of a man and two dogs and then snorted them, thinking they were cocaine. Because people totally keep coke in urns on their mantel, duh. More »
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A midwestern mother received a vacuum cleaner for Christmas, along with a surprise gift of $280K worth of drugs someone had stashed inside. First Clay Matthews's confusing roided-up-Fabio-joins-a-crappy-metal-band hairdo, and now this? Strange things are afoot in Green Bay. More »
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• More on this in Midweek Madness: Life & Style is reporting that before she entered a treatment center, Demi Lovato had become a big fan of cocaine.

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Ola Mae Agee was convicted of selling crack cocaine to an undercover cop last week. The 87-year-old had set up a drug business from her home in Pensacola, Florida. More »
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• In the December issue of Marie Claire UK, Rihanna says that she doesn't regret what happened between herself and Chris Brown back in 2009.

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Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I search for pearls of truth in oceans of magazines. This week, Angelina Jolie's former drug dealer gets a moment in the spotlight, J-Woww gets a makeunder and Obama gets old. More »
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A drug dealer — always a trustworthy news source — claims that Angelina Jolie was on cocaine during an interview with Charlie Rose in 2000 to promote Girl, Interrupted. More »
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Specifically, "on the [actual] set of Empire, in the ice planet," says Carrie Fisher. [AFP] More »
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• Paris Hilton has been charged with felony cocaine possession.

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Last night's episode was so boring. The hour crawled by as we watched an unhappy Sam tossing her hair, talking about Ron, and having a tenuous grasp on the definition of "done." I'd rather watch Angelina fart on Snooki. More »
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The best thing about Johnny Weir? Not his skating, his artfully coiffed hair, or his unabashed love of Chanel. It's his ability to create instant soundbites. Weir has a gift for spouting insane, enjoyable, marvelous proclamations. More »
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• Prince William MIGHT ask Kate Middleton to marry him tomorrow, since June 3 and June 4 are "mysteriously blocked out" in the Buckingham Palace calendar.

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Although much substance abuse research has been done on men, women can be addicts too. And studies show that female hormones may influence dependency. More »
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• Betty White has some rules about appearing on Saturday Night Live on May 8:

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On last night's premiere of what will be the show's final season, Heidi's mother cried when she saw what her daughter did to her face. Meanwhile, Kristin partied her face off in Miami during Super Bowl weekend, alarming the others. More »
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In her memoir out this week, actress Pam Grier says she and Richard Pryor broke up in part because his cocaine use had led to a dangerous buildup of the drug in her vagina. Is that even possible? More »
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• PETA announced it's taking down the unauthorized anti-fur ads featuring Michelle Obama. Now PETA members want the White House to do something for them: Demand that Ringling Bros. change the name of its newest elephant, Baby Barack. • More »
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• Sex doesn't sell movie tickets, according to a new study out of California. Apparently, kids today don't want to watch hot and heavy scenes, and prefer the chaste sexuality of Twilight and Jane Austen. • More »
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• Cameras and recording devices have been banned from all of Sarah Palin's book tour appearances, but a spokesman announced people can pose with her and buy a copy later online for $15 and up. • More »
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The Insider scored an exclusive interview with Bobby Brown to get his reaction to his ex-wife Whitney Houston's explosive two-day interview on Oprah. Bobby is plotting his own comeback, which includes joining the cast of VH1's Celebrity Fit Club. More »
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Those Kardashians love their alliteration. On last night's episode, Khloe had an experience with pseudo-cocaine possession when she found a vial of it in her store's dressing room. Kourtney had an experience with pseudo-lesbianism when she befriended a bisexual woman. More »
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A German supermarket employee opened two boxes of bananas to find them filled with more than 60 pounds of cocaine worth $2 million. "This is obviously a matter of a logistical mistake," said an agent. [CNN] More »
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It's time for another installment of Pot Psychology, the "advice" column in which we attempt to solve everyone's problems with an herbal remedy. (Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, Rich, along with Top Model alum Amy neé Amis, helps me answer questions about cocaine, girl fights, and anal sex. Got a burning question? Send it to potpsych@jezebel.com. (Please keep them short; they're verrrry hard to read when stoned.) More »
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I used to really like Mademoiselle magazine. Not as old or cold as Vogue, not as dull as Glamour, not as do-goodery as Marie Claire, not as ditsy or sex-addicted as Cosmopolitan. Though the magazine folded in 2001, when it first started, in 1935, it was known for publishing short stories by authors like Truman Capote. Sylvia Plath worked as a guest editor there in 1953. The publication's tagline, in 1954, was: "The magazine for smart young women." Smart! More »
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Academy Award-winning actress Tatum O'Neal was on Oprah on Friday to discuss her cocaine bust from a few months back, when she tried to cop drugs on the streets of the Lower East Side of NYC. It was confusing to a lot of people, why someone with her kind of money, would be on streets buying drugs from strangers instead of having her own dealer. It turns out that she'd been sober for so long that she no longer knew where to get drugs. Luckily, before she had a chance to even do them, she was arrested by the police, charged with a misdemeanor, and had to pay a $96 fine. Raised in Hollywood, Tatum's had a really troubled past and was an addict a pretty young age. She notoriously feuded with her father Ryan O'Neal's girlfriend Farrah Fawcett for years, and when Tatum's autobiography came out in 2004, she was still bitter about the "other woman." After word of her arrest got out, Farrah was the only person in Tatum's life to call and see how she was doing. Clip above. More »
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• There are already quotes from the Palin-Gibson confab! She threatens war with Russia, sidesteps the hubris question, and can't blink! It sounds all kinds of fair and balanced and totally not fluffy. Just because they're taking a stroll together doesn't mean it was too chummy.[Mark Ambinder, Mark Ambinder, TV Newser]
• But just because ABC is stretching the interview into 5 different news segments doesn't mean they're looking to boost ratings, obviously. The first segment airs tonight during what I like to call "drinking time" and other people consider "dinner time." [LA Times]
• In a page from Bush's playbook, Palin conducts state business on a personal email account to avoid disclosure laws, since that worked out so well for the Bush Administration. [Think Progress]
• Obama may have been kidding about being a Popular Mechanic centerfold, but they're offering to take him up on it anyway. David Axelrod needs to jump on that shit, like, yesterday, and show the pistol-packin' mama (per Cindy McCain) who's a regular person. [Popular Mechanics]

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• Daniel Radcliffe tells Details magazine that he lost his virginity at 16 with an older woman! He says the age difference "wasn't ridiculous" but "would freak some people out." What age would freak you out? 21? 31? 41? [Daily Mail]
• Also from Details: "I think part of me would love to play a drag queen, just because it would be an excuse to wear loads of eye makeup." — Daniel Radcliffe. [MSNBC, UPI]
• Joe Francis has had a new assistant since his release from jail in March: She is Holly Montag, Heidi's older sister. Apparently she is running his life. Joe says: "Holly is fantastic, probably the best assistant I have ever had." The Montag family, so classy. [Page Six]
• Holy crap! OK! magazine has a double cover for the first time ever. Democratic on one side, Republican on the other. Obama and Palin are the new Britney and Lindsay. [MSNBC]
• Us Weekly has a Sarah Palin cover too. More on this in a verrrry interesting Midweek Madness. [Us]

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