Jimmy Fallon has had some trouble with his hands lately. First he suffered a ring avulsion (google it) after a run-in with a braided rug over the summer, and just a few days ago the late night comedian injured his finger after cutting it on a bottle of Jäger. That’s worrying, yes, but no one is as worried about Fallon as CNN, which just released a news package about his injuries that should have come with an entire crate of Lipton’s iced tea.

While it’s impossible to tell exactly what the reporters of CNN might be implying about Fallon to the naked eye—the reporter wrapping herself in bubble wrap toward the end is both distracting and confounding—those of us trained to read between the lines (count how many times Jäger is mentioned) can almost grasp what they’re subtly insinuating in their coverage of his injuries.

“Jimmy Fallon has been laughing off so many falls, you have to wonder...”

“He reached into the crowd for a bottle of Jägermeister, a prop perhaps.”

“He’s like I need another bottle of Jäger. I’m fine everybody, I just need more Jäger.”

“Although his most recent fall didn’t cause serious injury, Jimmy’s dignity is suffering. He’s been declared the new President Ford.”

::Jeanne Moos wraps herself in bubble wrap. Almost as if she were under the influence of some substance other than just life::

But what could it all mean? What’s CNN really worried about? And will they be staging some kind of meeting with Fallon to discuss his many falls? You have to wonder...


Contact the author at mark.shrayber@jezebel.com.