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What are your plans for today? If you said, "having sex," then you've got lots of company. (Although hopefully you're not doing it right this second. You don't want to be rude!) It turns out that the period between Christmas and New Year's Day is a time when a huge amount of babies are conceived. A study found that 9 percent of all conceptions in the United States occur in December. And the most common birthday is September 16th, which just happens to be about 9 months from right now. So, who knows what unexpected gifts this Holiday season could end up delivering to you. More »
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We all have dreams, but few of us are committed enough to write down a list of them and carry it around as a constant reminder of what we're aiming for in life. But Donna Fountain, a 38-year-old from Brooklyn, did just that. Sadly, police found Donna's list with her when she was killed by a hit-and-run driver on Christmas morning. If that's not gut-wrenching enough for you, there's plenty more. Fountain was a single mom to her 8-year-old son Elijah, and her list, which she titled simply "My Dreams," will break your heart: More »
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Christmas! A cheerful time, right? The spirit, the decorations, the gift giving, the time off, it's supposed to be happy! Not for these horrible people. Ungrateful punks and out-of-touch teens have all taken to Twitter to complain about what they didn't get for Christmas and how they now hate life and everything Santa Claus. It's a shit show. More »
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A woman in Tasmania was wrapping presents by her Christmas tree when she got a very special surprise gift: a baby girl! She went into labor on Christmas Eve, of all times, and by the time the ambulance arrived she was too far along to be taken to the hospital. So she had the baby right there under the tree! Her daughter was delivered at 12:06 on Christmas Day. More »
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Christmas is over! Now that all the joy (and pain) of spending hours on end with one's family and consuming ungodly amounts of food is wearing off, it's time to go back to thinking about the true meaning of the holiday season: stuff! More »
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President Obama spent part of his Christmas visiting with troops who are stationed at a Marine Corps Base in Hawaii. At one point he posed for a photo with 8-month-old Cooper Wall Wagner and his parents, Capt. Greg Wagner and Meredith Wagner. While Obama and his parents were all smiles, cute little Cooper casually reached up and jammed his chubby little hand into the President's mouth. Obama's reaction was pretty cute too, and he used the opportunity to make a joke at his own expense, saying Cooper must have been thinking, "I want some of that big nose." More »
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NEW YORK, NY - DECEMBER 25: Musician Alicia Keys, Producer Swizz Beatz, and Egypt (son of Keys) pose for a picture during the game between the Boston Celtics and New York Knicks at Madison Square Garden on December 25, 2011 in New York City. (Photo by Christopher Pasatieri/Getty Images) More »
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For most people, a nativity scene is meant to replicate what happened on the night of the Christian Jesus' birth, but lucky for us, there will always be a few people who like to do things a bit differently. More »
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Christmas falls on a Sunday this year, which, in my day, would've meant killing two birds with one stone and only having to go to church once this week. But not in 2011, The Year of the WTF. Rather than rolling out the red carpet for Baby Jesus's magic birthday, some churches are actually canceling or scaling back services on Sunday so that their parishoners and clergy can spend the day doing more Christmassy things like opening presents, eating, and watching Wal-Mart commercials with The Nutcracker Suite playing in the background. More »
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For me, a big part of the pleasure of giving a loved one a gift is in the wrapping. I'm not planning to give or receive many gifts this year — I have enough stuff, for real — but I get such a kick out of wrapping presents that the rest of my family tends to delegate all their gift-wrapping to me. With a few mugs of mulled wine and a podcast or two on the stereo, it's fun and an easy way to be creative on a small scale. And you don't have to spend a bunch of money on paper and ribbons, either. You can wrap great-looking presents with stuff you probably already have on hand. More »
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Maybe it's the stress of endless social obligations, maybe it's the diminished daylight hours, and maybe people are just a bunch of Santapunching Scrooges. No matter the reason, every year, it seems as though a rash of appropriately decorated seasonal violence erupts during the holiday season. Here's this year's rundown of Fe-le-le-le-lelonies. More »
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Much unlike many a magazine editor who recommends you buy all sorts of crap that they most likely got for free, your Jezebel staff doesn't get jack shit (other than books, unsolicited). And that's how it should be. But on our own time, in our personal lives, we still buy stuff. So this is Worth It, our recommendation of random things that we've actually spent our own money on. These are the things we buy regularly or really like, things we'd actually tell our friends about. And now we're telling you. More »
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With massive hordes of people flying and bad weather predicted, there's a good chance you might find yourself stuck in an airport this holiday season. Whether you're there with an extra hour to kill or you're stuck for days on end because of a weather apocalypse, the airport is a tedious, crowded, and soul-deadening place. If you're lucky, you'll have access to some sort of special Ambassador's Club, but if you are forced to spend any time among the hoi polloi, here are some fun strategies to help you enjoy your trip and keep you from totally losing your mind. More »
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If you have dreams of recreating the actual gifts of the Magi at Christmas, you may have to put them on hold — supplies of frankincense are falling fast. The stuff is made from the sap of the Boswellia tree, and nobody's planting those lately, probably because frankincense is not so hip anymore. Says Frans Bongers, who led a study on the coming frankincense crisis, "It's human factors that are the problem. Alternative land uses bring in more money than frankincense and there are no new trees coming into the system. Large areas would have to be set aside to allow the trees to grow back." Also, Christmas-hating beetles have a habit of eating young trees, hampering efforts to replant. In 50 years, 90% of the world's frankincense could be gone. Myrrh appears okay for now, though still incredibly hard to spell. More »
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While lots of holiday parties are mostly about fun, togetherness, and hot cider, they may also include expressions of the host's religion. Below, a few tips for attending parties of faiths different from your own — and for hosting a friendly, meaningful affair. More »
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Hopefully Sasha and Malia Obama won't be going online or turning on the TV in the next few days, because every news outlet in America is reporting on what President Obama bought them for Christmas. This afternoon Obama took Bo to Pet Smart and bought him a bone and a chew toy for $41. Then he headed to Best Buy, where he bought the Wii game Just Dance 3 and two $50 iTunes gift cards. "The girls beat me every time on these dance games," he told reporters. "You'll never get a picture of me [playing] because I get graded F every time." More »
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While installing central heating in his Dublin, Ireland home, John Byrne found a letter to Santa Claus written in 1911 by two children, 10-year-old Hannah Howard and her 7-year-old brother Fred. The children placed the letter on a shelf inside their fireplace, and miraculously it remained there for decades and was only slightly burned. In the letter Hannah writes, "I want a baby doll and a waterproof with a hood and a pair of gloves and a toffee apple and a gold penny and a silver sixpence and a long toffee." Sadly, if people of the future find our letters they won't be half as lovely, since we usually asked for stuff like Skip-It and Totally Hair Barbie. More »
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Does this time of year always make you feel a bit under the weather? It might be your Christmas tree's fault! Of course, it could also be your overzealous consumption of holiday punch and your constant diet of buttery cookies. But it's probably that damned tree that you paid like 65 bucks for and then dragged all the way home, only to find out it's actually a pine-needled menace, just waiting to irritate your respiratory system and prevent you from getting the most out of your New Year's Eve date. More »
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In this big bah-humbug world of ours, it's hard to find a story that defies cynicism. But these tales of anonymous "guardian angel" shoppers who have been paying off the KMart layaway balances for poor families trying to buy Christmas presents for their kids is one of those bawl-inducing items that will make even the smallest of hearts grow three sizes. Hope you've been properly stretching and lubricating your tear ducts, because these are doozies. More »
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Whether you've got a drinker or two on your present list, or have judged yourself in need of a little holiday cheer, alcohol is a holiday gift-giving staple. It's widely available, and everyone — well, everyone except maybe alcoholics — loves getting it. Here is a selection of the alcohols I've most enjoyed in the past year, and some alcohol-related accessories that — although never as cool as receiving booze itself — are not dumb. More »
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Only one more voting day to go until we're down to the Frightful Four in our Search for the Worst Christmas Song Ever. Let's rip your least-beloved holiday classic to shreds like the wrapping paper covering that rock tumbler your parents never gave you. The time to vote is nigh! More »
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Have you had trouble getting into the holiday spirit this year? Perhaps this yuletide message from former presidential candidate and probable sleazeball Herman Cain will put you in the mood. Don't forget that this is the time of year to sing weirdly patriotic Christmas tunes, read aloud from the Bible to your allegedly wronged wife, and wish everyone "all the best in this lovely, forgiving and peaceful season." Emphasis on the "forgiving." More »
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I don't have any children (that I know of, heh) and very few of my close friends have kids, but I believe that children are the future, teach them well and let them lead the way. Which means you want kids to be smart and interesting and creative and so on, and not just pawns in a corporate conglomerate chess game, where every cartoon is a secret marketing ploy for a made-in-China non-bio-degradable thingamajig that will only be entertaining for three hours on December 25th. As a kid, I spent a lot of time in museums, and I think some of the best presents for kids can be found in an institution devoted to arts or sciences. Yeah, that's right, I'm one of those people who believes in edjumacational gifts, okay? Here are some suggestions… More »
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As Christmas approaches, so too do we approach finding which holiday tune is the most terrible. Let your too-small heart shrink three more sizes and bury yourself with a sprig of holly in your heart and these terrible songs in your ears: Unsweet Sixteen voting continues right now. More »
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When Jimmy Kimmel put out a call for parents to give their kids something undesirable as an early Christmas present — and capture the kids' reactions on camera, of course — viewers obliged in droves. The end result, this compilation, is fantastically entertaining. Our personal favorite is the "gender norm" family, in which the two girls get "boy" things, and their brother reacts to his gift thusly: "I got a girl activity book with stickers — I'm not a girl! You're the worst family ever." Merry Christmas, everyone! More »
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You can put your pepper spray away because this year there's no toy deemed hot enough to trample fellow shoppers over. Heavily promoted items like Angry Birds toys and Lalaoopsy dolls haven't really caught on, and retailers like Target and Walmart are stocking less merchandise. They're also relying more on classic toys so they won't have to sell off shelves upon shelves of Furbys come January. This may be a sign of the nation's economic troubles, but on the plus side kids' expectations are low, so you can just slap a bow on that Monopoly game tucked in the closet or give your child the cardboard tube she really wants. More »
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Justin Bieber will not rest until he's offended every group on the planet. With the first two songs off his Christmas album he angered Boyz II Men fans, then anyone who's found themselves singing along to "All I Want For Christmas." Now he's going after the steampunk lovers. More »
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It's tough to buy for the friend who has everything — but what about the friend who hates everything? Never fear: we have suggestions to help you melt your most curmudgeonly buddy's frozen, twisted heart — or at least help her revel in its twistedness. More »
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Apparently the toy elf that goes with the book The Elf On The Shelf is "all the rage" this Christmas, especially since CBS aired an animated special in November. But as far as we know, the elf does not carry a meat cleaver and brutally hack people to death. And what's with the candy cane blow job? Leave it to the folks at Next Media Animation to turn a sweet family story about striking fear into your children into a horrid, bloody tale. Nightmare before Christmas, indeed. More »
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On the third day of December Madness, my true love gave to me: eight songs-a-sucking. After two days of bravely listening to terrible Christmas songs, we're one day closer to crowning the Worst Christmas Song Ever. Let's get on to the next set of Holiday Horrors, and onto the next round of voting. More »
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The holidays are a wonderful time, filled with hot chocolate and hugs and TV commercials that attempt to link the idea of familial love with the idea of buying things. It is also the time when radio stations assault their listeners with an unending holiday playlist. Ears bleed, praying for death. And we've had enough it. It's about time we stood up against the tyranny of the 1% of Christmas songs inflicting pain on 99% of people who would rather listen to a John Mayer ringtone on repeat. Let's join hands, raise our voices, and declare which of the terrible Christmas songs is truly the Worst Ever. Herewith, the definitive tournament. Your votes will determine which song takes home the crappy crown. More »
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Nancy Puccinelli of Oxford University's Saïd Business School confirms what anybody who has been to a mall in the past ten years can tell you: excessive decorations, intrusive music, and "enforced holiday cheer" are obnoxious and grating. She says, "We know from studies of consumer behavior that moderation in festive decor leads consumers to spend more and to like the retailer more." Also, More »
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For decades the lyrics of "Deck the Halls" have been the primary way children learned that "gay" means "happy" in addition to "homosexual." However, recently a teacher in Traverse City, Michigan got so fed up with kids her class snickering that she changed the lyric to "don we now our bright apparel." More »
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We don't recommend breaking up with your significant other around the holidays. Don't break up with them right before Christmas, right after Christmas, and definitely not on the actual day of Christmas. The same goes for Hannukkah, Kwanzaa, and any other holiday you may be celebrating this December — including New Year's Eve. It is, simply put, a dick move. So let's assume you're gonna be in this thing 'til January, which means you'll be half-assing things it for a bit. And in the process of faking your dedication to the relationship, you'll likely have to buy the poor soul a gift. Herewith, some ideas for what to give your unbeloved this year. More »
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The internet isn't always the kindest place, but this year Regretsy.com tried to use its powers for good rather than evil by donating money to buy Christmas presents for the children of readers who are going through hard times. The campaign was so successful that Regretsy determined it would be able to send the parents a little money too, in the hope that it would "help them make their holiday dinners more special, or maybe pay a pressing bill." Luckily, PayPal caught on to this dastardly plot just in the nick of time. Now it's making the site refund hundreds of donations — all because she unwittingly used the wrong button to collect the money. More »
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Last week during a geography lesson at George W. Miller Elementary School in Nanuet, NY, children in Leatrice Ann Eng's class told her that they know about the North Pole because that's where Santa Claus lives. Deciding that it was high time the second-graders faced reality, Eng informed them that Santa isn't real and their Christmas presents are purchased by their parents. (Special message to junior Jezebel readers: This lady was sorely mistaken. And in case you were wondering, Santa has a toy factory in China and he and your mom just have remarkably similar handwriting.) Eng is now calling each child's parents to apologize for making this an exceptionally uncomfortable holiday and planting seeds of doubt about the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy. More »
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If you've been looking for the perfect Christmas gift for the protester or internet-lover in your life, look no further: it's the Cop Pepper-Spraying Baby Jesus Christmas sweater! The brilliant work of artist Abbie Heppe, this beautiful sweater's design showcases Lt. John Pike—who became a famous meme (meme-ous?) after casually pepper-spraying a bunch of peaceful protestors at UC Davis—turning his weapon on the ultimate symbol of Christmas, the baby Jesus. It sadly isn't available for sale—at least not yet. But perhaps you can knit one yourself, or if you're not up to that just print out a picture and pin it to a regular Christmas sweater. Then you'll get bonus points for being thrifty. More »
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