Congrats to our Lady of Goopelupe, who is now officially divorced from Chris Martin, even though he never signed her divorce petition. Not because of laziness, but because of tactics.

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According to TMZ, “the former couple’s business manager has been working out a property settlement, and Chris never responded to the divorce petition because he and Gwyneth didn’t want lots of stories written each time documents were filed.”

It’s a savvy move—one that will ultimately keep their property settlement private (and away from the prying eyes of dick holes like me) because a judge will have to reach a default judgement to finalize their divorce.

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On one hand, it’s infuriating when celebrities are THIS smart because I for one like examining the failures and misfortunes of people who are richer, more successful, and more beautiful than me. On the other, witnessing strategies like those of Martin and Paltrow is kind of...titillating? I’m not saying I’m not sexually attracted to either of them right now, but I AM saying that I am.

Anyway, let’s all lie to ourselves and say that Chris Martin never responded to Gwyneth Paltrow’s divorce petition because he was too busy reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance because it’s more entertaining and gives us the schadenfreude we crave.

Congrats on being single, you two!


Image via the AP.