I am so very, very grateful for Mary Pat Christie’s discerning and exemplary eye-roll during orange hungry hungry hippo Donald Trump’s most recent speech, which he made after his latest GOP primary five-state sweep. But I am almost concerned for her husband, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, whose lightless, deadened eyes seem to only follow Trump’s finger.

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This leads me to believe that either a) Trump keeps Christie’s brain in a jar in the basement of Trump Tower, which I previously proposed, or b) Trump has actually consumed Christie’s brain, in some sort of strivance for a Buffy the Vampire Slayer sub-plot.

Please observe:

I’m guessing it may or may not be too late to save Christie, but for the love of Claude, can someone please verify what is going on?

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End note: throw your shade, Mary Pat!


Contact the author at jamie.reich@jezebel.com.

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