Late Thursday night (or early Friday morning, depending on where she was), Cher tweeted. This should not surprise you, as Cher tweets all the time, but this particular tweet was different. It was in all caps (her trademark) and was a little hard to decipher (another trademark), but the journey her tweet took across its 114 characters (plus an image) contained a sharper turn than usual, and—by the end—sent its readers careening off a cliff into the inescapable depths of Cher’s mind.
Here it is.
What appeared to be a joke about the size of Donald Trump’s penis—complete with two of the most lighthearted of all emojis—suddenly transitions into an accusation of murder. “Ps. HIS SON KILLED MY FRIEND.”
I mean, well, first of all, “PS”? You’re gonna “PS” that, Cher? That’s called the lede, my friend. If I approached Emma or Kate or Jia or Julianne about covering a story and said, “Yeah, OK, so I’m hearing rumblings that Donald Trump has a tiny little dick and really want to write about it. You know, I’ll go into his dick size, average dick sizes, what he’s claimed his dick size to be, and then maybe transition into the fact that he killed my friend”—they’d most likely narrow their eyes and say, “You should probably skip the dick part and focus on the murder.”
Anyway. If you know more about the friend of Cher’s allegedly murdered by Donald Trump’s son’s (or whether the murderer was Donald Jr., Eric, or Barron) shoot me an email at email@example.com with the subject: “MURDER.”
UPDATE: It’s looking like the “murderers” are Eric and Donald Jr., and that Cher’s “friends” are wild animals.
Here’s a very satisfying video of Kris Jenner telling Kim and Khloe to “fuck off” after they ask her to stop supporting Rob financially.
Imagine being a 37-year-old hanging out with a 17-year-old at a 21-year-old’s birthday party.
- This is my favorite headline of the week. [Page Six]
- Don’t you DARE criticize Paris Jackson’s treatment of wild bunnies!! [Daily Mail]
- Someone who hates HGTV put one of the Property Brothers in a choke hold. [TMZ]
- Justin Theroux wears eyeliner, and looks damn good in it! [Page Six]
- Kaley Cuoco is having a great time dating that horse man. [Celebitchy]
- Giselle did not have a great time dating Leonardo DiCaprio. [Celebitchy]
- lol [ONTD]