Charli XCX Nixes Plans to Market Branded Tampons Over 'Health Issues'

The best part of any live music show, you’ve got to admit, is the merch table: what, with its overpriced tokens of memorabilia and status tchotchkes available for purchase to prove to the world that You Were There when They Weren’t, even if your credit card bill outlasts that tour T-shirt you swore you’d wear forever.

And if there’s someone who *gets* the merch table, it’s Charli XCX, whose tampons she’d hope to peddle at future merch tables are sadly, for the time being, just that—an idea—not viable enough to come to fruition due to “health issues.”

“I really wanted to make tampon merch,” the British singer said. “That was a dream of mine for a really long time — to have tampons that say ’Sucker’ on the side and ’Pussy Power’ on the box. But it’s a health issue if someone’s going to put it in their vagina.”

I have questions: are the theoretical tampons themselves the things that would theoretically contain the quotes, embossed into the cotton fiber? Or would it be the theoretical tampon wrappers that are emblazoned with stuff like ‘Pussy Power’? If neither of those options work, could the anecdotes instead dangle off of tampon strings on little squares of paper a la Yogi Tea?

Until then, deep thoughts.