The Taylor Swift/Calvin Harris breakup was ostensibly going according to plan. Taylor had moved on with a totally not-at-all-fake relationship with Tom Hiddleston while Calvin enjoyed some beach time and kept quiet. UNTIL TODAY, THAT IS.

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Totally throwing off what I assume were very clear instructions from Taylor Swift and her team, Calvin Harris stormed onto Twitter today with some pipping hot tea as well as a few kind words for his former love.

The impetus was presumably the news circulating today that Taylor Swift wrote the lyrics for “This Is What You Came For,” Calvin’s new song with Rihanna. The news was confirmed by her rep that she did indeed pen the song under the pseudonym Nils Sjoberg.

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In response to the story, Calvin started off gently, with kind words for his ex, praising her musical skills, which is very generous of him.

Nice! Very adult!

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As he continued, however, Calvin dropped a few bombs with some beautifully executed passive aggression directly referencing Tom Hiddleston as well as Taylor’s high-profile feud with Katy Perry. His main gripe with the story seems to be the suggestion that by confirming that Taylor wrote the song, her team is saying that Calvin had little to do with it being a hit.

CALVIN PLEASE TELL US MORE ABOUT THE KATY PERRY STUFF!!!

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What makes this clapback particularly juicy is that Taylor Swift seems to run a very tight ship over there. You rarely hear her exes saying a great deal about her publicly, much less something disparaging. Calvin, it seems, does not give a fuck.

I love how he seamlessly oscillates between throwing straight daggers and giving her genuine-seeming compliments. It’s a sort of valid pettiness that I strive for.

In related news, I just became a Calvin Harris fan.

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Anyone who messes with the obsessively choreographed narratives that prop up so many high-profile relationships in Hollywood is OK in my book. At least, I hope this is real and not another concocted storyline to keep the public interested and both Taylor and Calvin in the spotlight as they promote new projects, thereby increasing their popularity and wealth while we consume whatever is fed to us.

UPDATE:

KATY PERRY HAS SPOKEN

Consider the plot, thicker.


Image via Getty.