All You Winos Drink Is Cabernet Sauvignon and MerlotS

Are you starting to feel like all the wine you buy on the shelves of your local stores kind of tastes the same lately? Well, don't worry, you haven't made your taste buds go numb by a nonstop bombardment of cheap $4 bottles of discounted wine.

According to America's favorite website for sauced up winos, TIME Business and Money, your wine might kind of be all the same:

A new report by the University of Adelaide has found that global wine growing has tilted to a select few grapes over the past decades, with Cabernet Sauvignon leading the pack. Since 1990, Cab Sav and Merlot have doubled their share of hectares under production, making them the top cultivated varieties in the world.

TIME says to think of Cab Sav and Merlot as the "Coke and Pepsi of viticulture," which sounds awesome when you say it out loud like I just randomly did here in my house. (This is obviously something I am going to say all the time to everyone I know, BTW) Additionally, Airén, a Spanish varietal fell down to the third spot from number one, with Tempranillo falling to fourth. The second and third most grown varieties, Georgia's Rkatsiteli and the Turkish Sultaniye, have pretty much disappeared, according to the report.

But what surprises me most is that Chardonnay is all the way down in fifth place. FIFTH. Man, when the beloved wine of so many Real Housewives of [INSERT BARELY MEMORABLE LOCATION] fall so out of favor? What is this world coming to?

*sighs; takes massive swig of perfectly chilled glass of chardonnay*

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