Book Claims JD Salinger's One Ball Drove Him to a Life of Seclusion

You can tell a lot about a man by his balls. If a man has two healthy balls, he’s all robust and manly and world-take-over-y. If he has only one, he is a half-man, like the half man on Two and a Half Men. But rather than star on the world’s shittiest television show, one famous one balled half man opted to withdraw from society. That man was none other than JD Salinger.

A new biography of the reclusive author entitled Salinger is scheduled to drop this week (biographies “drop,” right?), and in the lead up to the book’s release, we’re learning all sorts of tantalizing new details about the life of the guy who wrote that book that turned you into a real asshole for about 3 weeks when you were 15. No, not The Fountainhead. The other one.

According to GQ, the book’s authors David Shields and Shane Salerno interviewed two women who independently claimed that the Franny & Zooey author did have two testicles, but one remained undescended, leaving the descended testicle all lonely and self-conscious, like he was the only one to show up at a New Year’s Eve party without a date. As a result, Salinger was very ashamed or something and he lived in a house all away from society like a weirdo until he died.