Bless Everything, The Razzie Nominations Are Out

Forget everything going on in your world right now, because the most important event in Hollywood is upon us—the Razzie Award nominations are here!

For those of you who live under a polite rock where you pretend all the movies Hollywood puts out are decent films undeserving of blogger scorn, the Razzies are FUCKING AWESOME. Also, they are the awards given to the best of the worst movies and performances of the year. Past highlights include the epic 10-category award sweep by Adam Sandler’s Jack & Jill and of course, the time Halle Berry showed up to the actual Razzies ceremony (Oscar in hand) to accept her Razzie for Worst Actress in Catwoman.

The Razzies are my Academy Awards. I get positively giddy around nomination time! I must say I was STUNNED to see Johnny Depp land a nod for his role in The Lone Ranger, but I am definitely going to be pulling for him this year. I really think he could take this shitty role in this very shitty film and go all the way with it. And you guys, look at the Cinderella story that is After Earth. Everyone thought this film would be just another run of the mill Hollywood blockbuster starring one of the biggest celebrities in the world. But here it is, sitting at the top of the list of Worst Picture nominees. I held back tears. I honestly did.

Let’s take a look at the nominees in the most eagerly anticipated categories, and wince in fear for the jobs of all the people who convinced these movie stars to take part in the year’s most craptastic offerings!

Worst Picture
After Earth
Grown-Ups 2
The Lone Ranger
A Madea Christmas
Movie 43

Worst Actor
Johnny Depp, The Lone Ranger
Ashton Kutcher, Jobs
Adam Sandler, Grown-Ups 2
Jaden Smith, After Earth
Sylvester Stallone, Bullet To The Head, Escape Plan and Grudge Match

Worst Actress
Halle Berry, The Call and Movie 43
Selena Gomez, Getaway
Lindsay Lohan, The Canyons
Tyler Perry, A Madea Christmas
Naomi Watts, Diana and Movie 43