There has been a great deal of mystery and intrigue (kind of?) surrounding the upcoming nuptials of Kaley Cuoco and her boyfriend of six months Ryan Sweeting. And they just went and got married on New Year's Eve, being all joyful and saying things like "magic" and "fairy tale beginning," while you were wandering the streets dazedly with champagne dribbling down your chin.
A lot of things about this wedding were nontraditional (unless you come from a place where the marital tradition is "as kooky as possible"). The wedding was fire and ice themed. Kaley Cuoco wore a pink princess-themed tulle dress. Most importantly, THE CAKE HUNG UPSIDE DOWN FROM A CHANDELIER LIKE A BEDAZZLED WEDDING-BAT. [E!]
This is not the first time I've uttered this, nor will it be the last: Shia LaBeouf needs to stop. After plagiarizing heavily from graphic novelist Daniel Clowes in his short film — and then plagiarizing his apology, LaBeouf has been nonstop tweeting his remorse into the void. And yesterday he took his conceptual remorse-spiral to a whole new level: he hired someone to spell out "I AM SORRY DANIEL CLOWES" in skywriting over Los Angeles and then tweeted an image of said skywriting with an accompanying nonsensical caption.
The actor's critics have since pointed out that Daniel Clowes lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and probably couldn't have seen the message. Ho hum. [Guardian]
In merrier news, Prince William took a Christmas selfie with a schoolgirl. She was too stunned to press the buttons on her phone (WHO WOULDN'T BE), so he did it for her. He also said, "You can't beat a good selfie on Christmas Day." No gossip story has ever made me happier in all my years of life. [Hello]
- Britney Spears walked her boyfriend around in a harness and leash on stage in Las Vegas, as one does. [TMZ]
- The fact that Khloe Kardashian told Cosmo UK that Kris Jenner said she needed a nose job at age 9 is RUINING KRIS' SKI VACATION UGH. [Radar]
- Olivia Palermo, who was originally famous for scheming a lot on The City and is now famous for looking good in fashion blazers, just got engaged. Her fiance posted a Instagram video of her flaunting her ring in a windy landscape set to an EDM track because I guess that's how we all communicate now. [E!]
- According to "spies," Taylor Swift was treating Romeo and Juliet star Douglas Booth "like an animal circling its prey" at some fancy party and he was not into it. In other news, just because you overheard Taylor Swift complaining in the bathroom one time does not mean you are involved in international espionage. [Page Six]
- This article is titled "Five Reasons Why Baby North West Had A Better Year Than You," and it's all true :( [MTV]
- Established benevolent lil' sweetheart Robin Thicke reportedly threw a fit and threatened to pull out of a New Year's appearance in Miami because his hotel room wasn't big enough. [Page Six]
- Stevie Nicks dedicated "Landslide" to John Mayer and Katy Perry at a recent concert, leaving the world to wonder "WHAT." I have two theories: one, John Mayer, who frequently wears a cape, is a warlock so Stevie wanted to show public solidarity; two, the song is too encumbered with myriad joyful tears because of the Clydesdales commercial so she has to balance it out some way. [Page Six]
- Chrissy Teigen tried to read Fifty Shades of Grey on the beach and then buried it in the sand after two pages. Fifty Shades is a very bad book. [ONTD]
- Jennifer Lawrence and Nicholas Hoult spent New Year's together in England and Perez Hilton made some of the worst jokes ever about how they ate fish and chips together: "the two were probably quarter quelling their hunger games with fish and chips!" and "Maybe the fish was caught by Finnick Odair's trident!" Noooooooo Perez Hilton noooooooo. [Perez Hilton]
- Okay, in glorious news, Lindsay Lohan wants to be a DJ too, so now she and Paris Hilton will have a DJ rivalry. I think a DJ rivalry is what they were both put on this earth for. [TMZ]