Jezebel: Balls

Katherine Heigl Detests Testes

Dodai Stewart — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 10:50:00 EST

She loathes low-hangers, finds wrinklies revolting, scorns the scrotum. She hates balls, okay? As she puts it: "I hate balls." More »

It's Official: Justin Bieber's Balls Have Dropped

Dodai Stewart — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 16:35:00 EDT

No, really. In the new issue of Billboard magazine, Justin's manager Scooter Braun says, "Vocally, his balls have dropped." Non-vocally? Who knows. Anyway, The Beebs has recorded an "All I Want For Christmas" duet with Mariah Carey, and it is… um… whiny. More »

Dudes Tell All About Their Balls

Anna North — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 13:50:00 EDT

Welcome back to Guysourcing, where a panel of helpful gentlemen answer your questions. This week's question concerns something many readers have questions about: balls. We asked dudes, "What do your balls like, and what do they hate? Do they respond to emotional stimuli like fear? Do you like to have partners touch or lick them? Anything surprising ladies should know about your balls?" Here's how they responded. More »

Mila Kunis & Justin Timberlake Discuss Embracing Marines' Balls

Dodai Stewart — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 10:35:00 EDT

This morning on Today, while promoting Friends With Benefits, Mila and JT brought the testicular humor as they talked about the Marine Corps Ball. Mila declared, "Marines have a lot of balls." Justin agreed, "Marines got balls," and added, "we want to pay honor to our country and embrace their balls." Justin continued to ham it up even after Lester Holt ended the segment. More »

Woman Charged With Assault After Squeezing Boyfriend's Balls So Hard He Needed Surgery

Dodai Stewart — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 18:25:00 EDT

"The man felt 'extreme pain' and saw blood on his groin area… Dr. Karen Jacoby told police that the man's wound looked like it was a 'knife injury.'" More »

Bush Cricket Has The Biggest Balls

Jessica Coen — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 10:50:00 EST

Ladies! Meet the bush cricket, whose testicles—at 14% of their body weight—are the largest of any species. Scientists speculate that their massive junk allows them to "mate repeatedly" and win locker room bragging rights. More »

We Have A Winner: The Grossest Story You'll Ever Read

Dodai Stewart — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 12:10:00 EDT

After perusing hundreds of disgusting stories, we posted the top ten and created a poll. The votes are in! The winning story is a traumatizing tale of pain and embarrassment, with totally gross details and mesmerizing video. More »

Meet The Feminist Pornstar Crazy Cat Lady

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 19:27:43 EDT

Vanessa del Rio is a retired pornstar, self-professed feminist, and one-time bodybuilder who enjoys the steroidal side effect of an enlarged clitoris. Turns out she's big on genitals, including her cat's, to whom she gave testicle implants. (Remarkably, it's SFW.) More »

Japanese Men Experience The Joy Of Cool Testicles

Margaret Hartmann — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 09:30:00 EDT

Delicare-M is a Japanese cream with a cooling ingredient designed to soothe hot and itchy testicles. According to this commercial, it'll have your man singing with co-workers and lifting his leg to display his newly-cool balls in no time. [InventorSpot] More »

13 Different Ways To Say "Testicles"

Dodai Stewart — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 19:30:00 EDT

In addition to "balls," "nuts" and "cojones," the Cosmo story "Two Spots He's Dying For You To Touch" uses "his boys," "package," "his twins" and then prints ten weird nicknames guys allegedly use. Winston Churchill? Ghandi? Both bald and wrinkly. More »

CNBC Helpfully Explains "Why Women Aren't In Charge Of Sports"

Anna North — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 19:20:00 EDT

According to one CNBC anchor, one woman's half-baked analysis of a baseball game explains "why women aren't in charge of sports." It's lucky that baseball is entrusted to those infallible men, the umpires. [YouTube] More »

"Cleaning Like A Man" Involves Blowing, Balls

Anna North — Fri, 21 May 2010 16:30:00 EDT

Several readers have expressed their (well-justified) displeasure at on "cleaning like a man." Predictably, masculine cleaning involves balls. More »

Skyy Vodka Sucks Balls?

Dodai Stewart — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 17:30:45 EDT

Isn't that the message you get from this ad? (Seen in Us Weekly.) More »

Traveler Sues Over Bloody Balls • Herpes Vaccine In The Works

Katy Kelleher — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 17:40:00 EST

• A Canadian judge has ruled against a man who sued Air Transat after a flight attendant refused to examine his balls. The unhappy passenger was bleeding, but the (male) attendant opted not to look at his junk. • More »

Guide To Drawing 3-D Balls From Photo Of Chicken Legs

Margaret Hartmann — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 14:40:00 EST

Good thing we stumbled on the video after the jump — we've been trying to perfect our 3-D scrotum model for weeks! Remember, "You can also use scrotums, but chicken legs are a safe alternative." [Buzzfeed via BoingBoing] More »

Tucker Max Now Embroidering Polo Shirts

Anna North — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 14:10:00 EST

Need a gift for the assclown on your list? Perhaps he'd like this polo shirt embroidered with a pair of breasts. As a bonus, the Washington City Paper's Amanda Hess points out, "they look like balls from far away." [Sexist] More »

Myths About Balls: Why They Dangle, Why They Hurt

Katy Kelleher — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:40:00 EST

Jesse Bering, he of the hilarious penis column fame, is at it again. This time, we learn everything we ever (or perhaps never) wanted to know about testicles. More »

What Penis Game Did Ricky Gervais Invent?

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 16:40:00 EDT

Last night, Ricky Gervais was on The Tonight Show, where he told Conan about a game he invented involving his pajamas, his girlfriend (or mum!) and his cock and balls. (We think - the phrase, for some reason, was bleeped.) More »

Keep Your Eye On Off The Ball(s)

Dodai Stewart — Tue, 05 May 2009 14:30:00 EDT

On Off The Ball(s)" alt="Click here to read Keep Your Eye On Off The Ball(s)" src="http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/images/39/2009/05/Picture_3_02.png"/>

Sleepy hamster with giant cojones. Video after the jump. [Videogum] More »

Stick A Fork In It

Anna Holmes — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 18:40:00 EDT

Both Alec Baldwin and Amy Sedaris would be proud: It's National Cheeseball Day. (Ha! What better way to bookend a week of tea-bagging?) Open thread after the jump; see you Schweddys on Monday. [The Nibble] More »

Presented Without Comment

Anna Holmes — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 12:20:00 EST

Ladies, have at it. More »

Roger Federer Reaches Out

Dodai Stewart — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 16:50:00 EST

[ATP Qatar tennis open in Doha, Qatar, January 6. Image via AP.]

Rafael Nadal: Serving It Up Real Hot

Dodai Stewart — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 12:50:00 EST

[ATP Qatar tennis open in Doha, Qatar, January 6. Image via AP.]

Dudes: Cut The Crap, Cut Your Ball Hair

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 19:00:00 EST

I never get that offended by guys who have pube preferences for the women they date - unless they are militant about bald vaginas - because I understand the dislike of a mouthful of long, coarse hair. And that's why I recently told my man that he needed to do something about that giant, overgrown mass between his legs that looked more like the front yard of Grey Gardens than a crotch. There are a ton of gender double standards that drive me up a wall, but the widespread social acceptance of unruly, unmaintained male pubes is something we can easily change with one simple sentence: More »

This Week We Had A Ball

Jessica G. — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:30:00 EST

...Just like Lance Armstrong, Hitler, Arnold Schwarzenegger and the other dudes with a single testicle.
But as far as we know, those dudes have bellybuttons, unlike Karolina Kurkova, the no-navel icon.
She may have a navel, but Lori Drew has no soul.
Michelle Obama has a soul and, according to an obsessed Salon scribe, a big butt.

The 5 Most Famous One-Ball Wonders

Jessica G. — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 15:00:00 EST

It has long been the stuff of urban legends and dirty limericks that Adolf Hitler had one testicle. Well now there is concrete proof that the famous fascist lost a ball during the WWI Battle of the Somme in 1916, as the medic who saved Hitler's life during that siege confirmed it. According to the Telegraph, "The disclosure is made in a document noting a conversation in the 1960s between German war doctor Johan Jambor and his priest, Franciszek Pawlar." Poor Johan had terrible guilt over the fact that he saved the life — and ball — of such an evil man. But having one ball is not like having one evil Cyclops eye; in fact, there are many benevolent celebrities who are also "monorchic," as the uni-testicled are called in medical parlance. After the jump, four other famous folks who were missing something down below. More »

Happy HalloWEEN

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 17:20:00 EDT

Horror is often cited as the most misogynistic movie genre because male characters are usually the murderers and women are usually the victims of their heinous crimes. However, there are many classic horror gems in which men become vulnerable and women literally cut their dicks and balls off. I've collected 10 castration scenes from horror movies, which can all be viewed here. It's super NSFW, natch. [Street Carnage] More »

Cranky Old Women

Maria — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 09:20:00 EDT

Remember that 89-year-old woman from Ohio that was arrested for keeping a child's ball that had landed in her yard? Well, authorities in Blue Ash, Ohio announced on Wednesday that they would be dropping the petty theft charges against the woman because they lacked sufficient culpability to pursue her prosecution. What a win for old curmudgeons! Now get off my lawn, you hooligans! [UPI] More »

Know a guy with stinky balls? Then maybe...

Maria — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 10:20:00 EDT

Know a guy with stinky balls? Then maybe you should entreat him to use Man Junk, a new line of organic, $25 body washes designed specifically for scrotums. According to the Man Junk website, "Any product that's made to clean your neck, back, buttocks or legs isn't going to provide the specific levels of odor fighting and skin treatment that Man Junk does." The website also promises to increase a man's sex appeal with Man Junk acting as a "wingman," dispelling self-conscious fears of odor and irritation down there. So basically this stuff is just Summer's Eve for dudes with perhaps more douchiness. [AdWeek] More »

Schweddy Balls

Maria — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 10:20:00 EDT

Ljubomir Erovic, a Serbian medical equipment repairman by day and chef by night, wants to spread his love of eating and cooking testicles. Erovic already helped found the World Testicle Cooking Festival in his hometown near Belgrade and he recently released an e-cookbook titled The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking With Balls which includes recipes for preparing and eating various types of animal testicles. Erovic says that testicles have long been considered a delicacy in Serbia and he hopes that the nation will someday be known for its balls instead of its "bombs, sanctions or corruption." [Reuters] More »

Octocock V. Boobiverse: Screw Faceless People But Wrap It Up

Megan Carpentier — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:20:00 EDT

This is one of two French AIDS-prevention advertisements to win a Bronze medal at the Cannes International Advertising Festival (click the picture to see this and the one with a dude writ, um, large). The tag line: "Explore. Just protect yourself." Although the tongues in the female version are non-gender specific, the advertisement for a man contains a female face that looks like a blow-up doll, several obviously feminine mouths and genitalia that looks way more like a pocket pussy than a woman being as it lacks legs (or hair) for context, but no obvious visual references to anal sex (or non-gendered assholes). I guess a man's exploring is supposed to be limited to women, but since all women are supposedly a little bi and it's less "gross," the tongues don't have to obviously be dudes'. Anyway, we're mostly trying to figure if the pictures are erotic or weird, or both. Vive la France! [Salon] More »

"What's Wrong With Me?"

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 16:20:00 EDT

It's time for another installment of Pot Psychology, the advice column in which everyone's problems are solved with an "herbal" remedy. (Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, the Hoda to my Kathie Lee, Rich, helps me dole out advice on stuff like ticklish balls, dating transsexuals, and lost panties. Got a burning question? Send it to tips@jezebel.com with "Pot Psychology" in the subject line. (Please keep them short; they're verrrry hard to read when stoned.) More »

Utah Residents Love Balls • College Dean Puts Kibosh On "Douchebag Party"

Maria — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 17:20:00 EDT

The Testicle Festival in Utah drew "hundreds" looking for a chance to eat balls (bull's balls to be exact) this past weekend. Think Alec Baldwin made an appearance? • An Italian court of appeals has ruled that wives forfeit their rights to shared assets if they use their marital bed for infidelities. • A NY teen who was arrested for a DUI claims she blew a .15 blood-alcohol level because she made out with a drunk boy. • Plan your life around your menstrual cycle! Including the "worst" time to do coke and when "nature conspires to make you pregnant" by making you walk sexier. • Party-pooping dean of students at Seattle University shuts down "Douchebag Party" for gender bias. • Although the International Olympic Committee states it is against gender discrimination, it still allows countries that ban female athletes to compete. • Women who have caesareans are sometimes denied insurance coverage or are made to pay higher premiums. • Two men rob a Colorado convenience store with thong masks. • Eager 95-year-old man proposes to 95-year-old girlfriend on the first date, gets married 18 months later. • Men and women metabolize fructose differently, making some doctors rethink the factor of gender in the study of metabolic disorders. More »

Penal Code

Slut Machine — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 13:20:00 EST

In Italy it is now a criminal offense for a man to grab or scratch his crotch in public, even if it's over his clothing. Apparently, crotch-grabbing is is a traditional, superstitious practice — called Io mi tocco i (I touch my) LOL! — akin to crossing fingers, whenever a hearse drives by or an illness is discussed. No mention was made about whether women are still allowed to grab themselves. [Guardian] More »

That's Nuts

dodai — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 09:45:00 EST

Perhaps you've seen trucks or trailers with large rubber testicles attached to the back? Virginia state delegate Lionel Spruill has introduced a bill to ban "displaying replicas of human genitalia." He claims the big balls are a safety issue, because drivers can get distracted. Spruill was prompted to take action when a constituent's young daughter asked her father to explain the nutsacks. Spruill also had the stones to say he'll bring a set of the $24.95 trailer testicles with him for legislative show-and-tell. Frankly, it's unbelievable that these things haven't been outlawed already. Think they'd let women drive around with labia majora on their cars? Bollocks! [CBS News] More »

Faith Hill To Fan: Hands Off My Man's Junk!

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 12:30:09 EDT

Prince William Mounts, Straddles, Hits Balls Hard

Jennifer — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 12:47:14 EDT