Baby Wipes Are Great But Never, Ever Flush Baby Wipes

Look: We need to talk (again) about America’s asswipe situation. Clean butts are important, but the fine people who keep our sewers and water treatment plants flowing do not deserve the hell we are visiting upon then.

Obviously, babies cannot wipe their own butts, and unlike some colleagues, I’m not against adult wipes, either! Swamp ass is real and it is serious and there is no reason to be anal hygiene luddites. Until the glorious day bidets are widely available (a.k.a. never), we do what we can.

However, everybody seriously needs to stop flushing these wipes down the toilet. It doesn’t matter whether they’re “flushable” or not, whether they’re marketed to babies or adults. According to WNBC, these seemingly harmless cloths are doing a number on New York City’s sewers.

According to the manager of a city water treatment plant, tens of thousands of wipes get caught every day. “They wind up where they shouldn’t,” he explained. “It is flushable, but it’s not decomposable.” And there’s video. Disgusting, disgusting video. Here is the most important moment:

PLOP. PLOP.

NO, SERIOUSLY, THIS IS VILE AND I CANNOT UNSEE IT:

Use asswipes, don’t use asswipes. But definitely stop flushing that shit because it is disgusting.