Jezebel: Babies

Woman Gives Birth to the Biggest Baby in the Chinese History

Cassie Murdoch — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 21:00:00 EST

A woman in China will be getting quite a good arm workout while caring for her newborn son. He was born this past weekend and weighed in at a hearty 15.52 pounds. That is a lot of baby. His mother, a 29-year-old woman from the Henan province, gave birth to him via C-section, which is probably a good thing in terms of being able to keep her pelvis in working order. His parents, who are both of average size, named him Chun Chun. He is believed to be the largest newborn on record since the country was founded in 1949, but, as impressive as Chun Chun's birth weight is, he won't be claiming the Guinness World Record. That apparently belongs to a baby born in 1879 that weighed in at 23.7 pounds. Once they cross the 20 pound mark, maybe we should just skip calling them babies and classify them as newborn toddlers. More »

Spoon-Feeding Your Baby Will Probably Make Her Fat and Ruin Her Life

Cassie Murdoch — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 19:00:00 EST

As if feeding a baby wasn't difficult enough already, new research has come out that can give you a nice complex about whether you are force feeding your children and making them fat. Are you ready for a nice big bite of delicious concern? Open wide. More »

For How Many Seconds, Exactly, Can You Leave Your Baby Alone?

Tracy Moore — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 17:10:00 EST

One of the more horrifying things I read while extremely pregnant was not the description of the abdominal muscle wall separation that can happen at the end of your gestation, but rather a Facebook message from a high school friend describing a typical day in her life with a 6-month-old. More »

Just How Bad Is Child Abuse in America? Very.

Cassie Murdoch — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 12:00:00 EST

Child abuse is a dark and depressing reality in American life, but until now, it's never been clear just how widespread a problem it was. A new study, led by Dr. John Leventhal of Yale University, offers the first comprehensive estimate of serious injuries caused by child abuse in the U.S., and the results are pretty horrifying. More »

Tiny Baby Is a Ping Pong Wizard

Cassie Murdoch — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 09:30:00 EST

Jamie is young, but his talent is clear. He just sits on that table, relaxed as can be, taking the serves as they come. Does he cry when he misses a ball? Nope, he just nails the next one, and the next one, and the next one. More »

Shocking Study Reveals Men Care About Marriage, Babies

Anna North — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 12:40:00 EST

Match.com's latest survey on single people and their attitudes busts some myths about commitment-phobic, baby-hating men. It has also brought out the trolls. More »

We're Seriously Still Debating Whether or Not It's Okay to Discriminate Against Pregnant Women?

Erin Gloria Ryan — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:40:00 EST

Being pregnant is hard enough without having to worry about being fired for asking for extra bathroom breaks. But, right now, there's no law on the books to stop that from happening. Good God. We're still talking about this? This is a thing we're debating? In 2012? More »

Everyone Waiting Until The Economy Isn't Crappy to Get Divorced and Have Babies

Erin Gloria Ryan — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 18:50:00 EST

Over the last 4 years or so, a backlog of angry, resentful couples too poor to divorce has been building. Meanwhile, scores of fertile but financially hesitant women have been revving their ovaries, waiting until the economic picture rights itself before introducing an expensive baby into the family. As soon as this global meltdown shit is over, it's going to be a no-holds-barred divorce/baby having frenzy. Will any of us survive? More »

Man Films His Wife Giving Birth in the Car While He Drives

Cassie Murdoch — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 21:45:00 EST

When most people picture the birth of their child, it does not include speeding down a highway frantically trying to film with a cell phone camera while their wife pushes the baby out in the front seat. And yet that is exactly how things went for one Texas couple. More »

Fun-Hating Legislator Proposes Ban on Eating Aborted Human Fetuses

Erin Gloria Ryan — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 14:00:00 EST

Let's take a moment today to salute a brave American hero. A man who saw through the amoral haze of today's society and who had the courage to stand up for what's right, even in the face of an unstoppable tide of modernity and vice. That man is Oklahoma legislator Ralph Shortey. And that fearless act of bravery was his introduction of a bill that would ban adding aborted human fetuses to food. Your babyeating ways will no longer be tolerated, Sooners. Be warned. More »

Breast Feeding Grosser than Dicks on Funny or Die

Erin Gloria Ryan — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:45:00 EST

A New York comedienne had her videos removed and her account suspended from Funny or Die after posting a video of her breast feeding her infant twins to the site. After she complained that there are dicks and boobs all over the place on there, the powers that be apologized and is in the process of reinstating her account. More »

Advice to Would-Be Parents: Learn How to Make the Elephant Sound Now, Before It’s Too Late

Tracy Moore — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 17:00:00 EST

Advice abounds for new parents, and I got heaps of it like anyone, but in my experience, it was so vague and foreshadowy as to be kinda useless. Taken together, it sounded like some comically exasperated Greek chorus dying to be ignored: Behold thoust shall not sleep again/Thine dreams the stuff of air/To think thoust thoughts of yesteryear/Shall lead but to despair. Huh? You mean my life is, like, never going to be the same again? More »

Disney Will Be Taking Your Babies Now, Thank You

Erin Gloria Ryan — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 15:00:00 EST

The Walt Disney Company, those white-glove-wearing cartoon animals who want to brand everything you touch or consume, is making a distinct push to become America's premiere baby outfitter, moving their brand's first impression on humans closer and closer to the moment of conception. Soon, we'll all be artificially inseminating ourselves with sound effect-making Donald Duck shaped turkey basters. More »

France Lets Parents Give Baby Vampire Name

Margaret Hartmann — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 09:30:00 EST

The French are notoriously uptight about what one can and cannot name their baby, but they've decided to let one newborn keep his name, even though his parents heard it on an American show aimed at teenagers. In November Lionel and Blandine Defontaine dubbed their boy "Daemon" after the character Damon on The Vampire Diaries. The "e" was added to make the name sound more French, and it seems that was enough to convince the court. They may have let it slide this time, but don't think you can name your baby Pilot Inspektoré and get away with it. More »

Adorable Baby Makes Most Adorable Lemon Face in the History of Time

Madeleine Davies — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 19:05:00 EST

Parents Clamor for More Breasts on Sesame Street

Erin Gloria Ryan — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 18:45:00 EST

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Woman Fakes Pregnancy for Nine Months, Attempts to Snatch Baby

Margaret Hartmann — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 10:30:00 EST

A woman in New Zealand brought an absurd soap opera cliche to life when she faked her pregnancy for nine months, then tried to steal a baby from a maternity ward. Police say Neha Narayan told her partner she was overdue and needed to be taken to the hospital to be induced. For some reason he left her to deliver on her own, and she spent the next two days prowling around the hospital looking for snatchable babies. One mom caught Narayan holding her two-day-old baby, and she claimed he'd been crying and she was just comforting him. Then a hospital staffer handed her another infant, assuming she was the mother. She tried take the baby to the parking lot, where a car was waiting for her, but luckily the parents saw everything and were able to stop her before she ran off with their child. More »

Adorable Aussie Baby has No Qualms Picking Favorites

Madeleine Davies — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 16:10:00 EST

My Worst Parenting Mistakes (So Far)

Tracy Moore — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 15:30:00 EST

I wouldn't say I was the most prepared sandwich in the deli when it comes to having a kid, but these raw vegetables did what it took to get the soup cookin'. Er, cringe-inducing analogies for parental readiness aside, I read like a mofo while I was pregnant, talked to people with kids, and generally put my reporting skills to work to get my shit together to have a baby. More »

Same Sex Parents Win Right to be Included on Their Own Child's Birth Certificate

Erin Gloria Ryan — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 18:00:00 EST

A judge in Iowa has ordered new birth documents be issued to the child of a lesbian couple who were initially told they couldn't list both of their names on their baby's birth certificate. The Iowa Department of Public Health contended that God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, but was roundly rebuked for trying to pass redneck bumper stickers off as sound public policy. More »

Americans Having More Twins, Evil Or Otherwise, Than Ever Before

Margaret Hartmann — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 11:40:00 EST

Currently multiple births are still a novelty, but the number of twin births is on the rise and at this rate, in a few years red carpets could be overrun with Mary-Kate and Ashley wannabes delivering synchronized SexyFace. It's well-known that the development of fertility treatments has led to an increase in multiples, but new data shows just how drastic the shift has been. In the past three decades, the number of twins born in the U.S. has roughly doubled. More »

Three Sets Of Twins Born In Different Years

Margaret Hartmann — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 22:53:00 EST

On New Year's Eve, three babies managed to enter the world in a different day, month, and year than their twin. In Minneapolis Beckett Humenny was born 6:40 p.m. Dec. 31, 2011, and his sister Freya followed at at 12:26 a.m. on Jan. 1, 2012. In Buffalo, New York, Ronan and Rory Rosputni were born at 11:37 p.m. and 12:10 a.m. respectively. Meanwhile in Tampa, Florida, Jenna Bear was born in last minute of 2011, and her sister Leah joined her at midnight. Blake Bear, the girls' father, says, "It's a great way to end the previous year and start the new year." Not to mention a great reason to demand separate parties when they're older. More »

NASCAR Driver Apologizes To All the Bitches Who Don't Think Breastfeeding is 'Nasty'

Erin Gloria Ryan — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 11:00:00 EST

NASCAR driver Kasey Kahne has apologized for a Tweet wherein he called the sight of a woman breastfeeding her child "nasty," and a follow up Tweet wherein he called a woman who criticized his calling the woman nasty a "bitch." Someone who makes obscene amounts of money as a professional athlete/amusement has a sub-enlightened attitude about something? Hold me; we'll get through this together. More »

Pregnant Mothers Should Be Terrified Of Mildly Warm Days

Anna North — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 14:00:00 EST

Here's another thing for pregnant ladies to worry about: the heat. According to a new study, getting too hot could increase the risk of premature delivery or stillbirth. And they define "too hot" pretty loosely. More »

Study Shows Home Births Aren't As Safe. So What?

Philip N. Cohen — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 15:10:00 EST

Here's an interesting example of how to interpret scientific results - and draw policy implications from them - from the world of birth practices and safety. More »

Cocaine Found On Most Public Baby Changing Tables

Margaret Hartmann — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 21:08:00 EST

Since parents aren't sufficiently stressed out and germophobic as it is, researchers set out to learn what nasty microbes are lurking on the tables where they change their babies in public. A study conducted on more than 100 changing tables in shopping centers, hospitals, police stations, and churches found that more than 92% contained traces of cocaine. Officials say the results are "shocking" and may be indicative of the increase in cocaine abuse in the region, but considering that money (and plenty of other things we touch) are coated in traces of the drug too, it seems unlikely that the contamination is solely due to addicts doing lines off of Koala Kare changing stations. Though, you should still be cautious about putting your precious child directly on those tables, because according to our scientific research they're coated in baby poop. More »

Cat Soothes Crying Baby To Sleep With Its Paw

Whitney Jefferson — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 18:00:00 EST

When I was a baby, my father's possessive kitty hated having a baby in the house so much it would attack me and leave me with little scratches all over my body. Apparently, some felines don't mind babies quite as much — although this feels a lot like a cat just trying to get a crying baby to shut up. More »

A Baby's Cuteness Is Determined By Your Reproductive Hormones

Alasdair Wilkins — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 12:30:00 EST

If you're tying to figure out how cute a baby is, you had better ask a premenopausal woman: they're scientifically proven to have the highest cuteness sensitivity. Yes, this experiment involved coming up with an objective scale of baby cuteness. More »

Adorable Baby Attacked By Adorable Teacup Yorkie In Most Adorable Fight Ever

Whitney Jefferson — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 17:45:00 EST

Big-headed baby gets attacked by teeny-tiny yorkie puppy. Yup, that's all this clip is. And yet I'm not sure that I've ever been more entranced. More »

Natural Childbirth: The Best Thing I Ever Failed At

Tracy Moore — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 16:15:00 EST

Planning your particular labor experience is a lot like communicating what kind of haircut you want to your stylist. You start out with this really great image of something fantastic and awesome (i.e., not "the Rachel"), and then you end up with something that, in the end, seems very much in the spirit of said awesomeness, but, you know, on your particular type of human head. More »

Congrats, Internet, For Making Me Never Want To Take My Baby On A Plane

Tracy Moore — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 17:30:00 EST

Did you know that Japanese babies "never cry" on planes because Japanese parents "never yell"? That "before the baby boomers," any self-respecting parent wouldn't DREAM of taking their kids with them on a plane? That first and business class should only be for people who are held to a "higher standard" of behavior? That a little Benadryl never hurt anyone? That if you have kids you should live right next door to your parents forever and therefore never need to fly? That there's "nothing fun for kids to do in Paris" anyway? More »

Baby With Insatiable Desire For Yogurt Is Haunting Reflection Of Our Inner Selves

Whitney Jefferson — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 15:30:00 EST

Here is a baby who simply cannot get enough yogurt. We know the feeling. Maybe that's why when watching this infant — who looks similar to Rachel Dratch, actually — making a crazed expression and crying out for another spoonful of the gooey stuff feels a little like staring into our own souls. We've been there, buddy. More »

Vanessa Bayer Seeks Surrogate Mom For Hire

Whitney Jefferson — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:45:00 EST

Saturday Night Live newcomer Vanessa Bayer stars in the latest episode of I Wanna Have Your Baby, a web series about a woman who is very enthusiastic about being a surrogate mother. The weight gain? She likes "getting fat." Morning sickness? She'd be throwing up anyway. The only issue left for this union is the inability for Vanessa's ghost husband to produce any ghost sperm. More »

Naming Infants After Bloodsucking Monsters All The Rage

Erin Gloria Ryan — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 18:00:00 EST

Looks like parents nowadays aren't afraid to get baby name inspiration from a source that literally sucks— books about vampires. More »

Study Reveals Babies Are Judgy

Anna North — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 17:15:00 EST

Sure, babies may seem cuddly and forgiving. But a new study shows these little disciplinarians delight in the punishment of those they see as evildoers. More »

A Friendly Reminder To Use A Condom, Courtesy Of Your Unborn Child, Who Is On Facebook

Anna North — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:10:00 EST

Recently, some men in Brazil received friend requests from babies who shared their names, with "Jr." tacked on the end. Sounds like a creepy anti-choice tactic, but it was actually a marketing campaign for a condom company. Still pretty creepy though! More »

Airport Bathroom Delivery Combines Fun Of Travel & Childbirth

Margaret Hartmann — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:29:00 EST

We've heard of women delivering their babies in all sorts of strange places, but a Maryland woman may have found one of the most awful ways to usher a new life into the world: In an airport, on the bathroom floor, during one of the busiest travel days of the year. The woman had just stepped off a flight at Baltimore-Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport, so she was actually lucky that she didn't have to give birth in the aisle of an airplane. The mom isn't releasing any personal details, but she and her son are healthy. More »

Finally, A Socially Acceptable Way To Make Fun Of Ugly Babies

Whitney Jefferson — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 18:55:00 EST

I know: it's taboo to call someone else's baby ugly, but what about if they're ancient babies in paintings? I think that's fair game! That's where Tumblr blog Ugly Renaissance Babies comes in. It's a collection of great works of Renaissance art by the likes of Da Vinci, Bellini, and Botticelli featuring infants that are, well, displeasing to the eye. But if you stare long enough, they all become kind of cute — in that weird, little freakish-looking devil kind of way. More »

The Essential Guide To Picking A Weird Name For Your Kid

Erin Gloria Ryan — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 16:00:00 EST

Are you planning on giving birth, adopting, or flat out stealing a baby in 2012? If so, you should probably start worrying about whether the wee one's name will be as weird as the names that all the other parents are giving their kids. More »

Chris Brown Deletes Twitter Account and He's Never Coming Back, Never!

Erin Gloria Ryan — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 15:40:00 EST

Internationally renowned spazz Chris Brown resumed angrily punching walls and crying yesterday when someone brought up that time three years ago he beat the shit out of then-girlfriend Rihanna. He unleashed a series of comically defensive Tweets and then deleted his Twitter account. He's truly the Michael Jackson of fit throwing. More »