After a star-crossed engagement with Brody Jenner back in the infancy of this current decade, Avril Lavigne has finally married...Chad Kroeger, the dude from Nickelback. That's right, North America — our pop stars are growing up and marrying members of the jock rock bands that have singlehandedly kept the Now That's What I Call Music! empire from crumbling into the sea.

Lavigne and Kroeger performed their nuptials in the South of France, hopefully to a musical mash-up of their biggest respective hits. The wedding was billed as "crazy and colorful," and mostly planned by Lavigne, though she assures the nail-biting public that Kroeger totally helped a little bit. [E!]

  • George Lucas and Mellody Hobson are still getting married. [THR]
  • Not many companies are scrambling to get on the Paula Deen traveling anachronism sideshow wagon, but PureMature.com isn't just any company — it's an exploitative porn site specializing in women over 65. And to Paula Deen, PureMature.com says this: "Full-figured or thin, arthritic or diabetic — you embody our perfect spokesperson." [TMZ]
  • Tan Mom took a nap on a tanning bed in Florida. [TMZ]
  • Christie Brinkley's clone daughter, Sailor Brinkley Cook, posed for Teen Vogue. [NYDN]
  • Speaking of teenagers with famous family members, Kylie Jenner and Son of Smith were seen, gasp, holding hands in public, you guys, IN FUCKING PUBLIC, for the World and Baby Jesus and Krishna to see. [NYDN]
  • Miley Cyrus' boobs tried to escape last night. [E!]
  • Slowly but surely, Paris Jackson is getting better and should be out of the hospital "soon," according to Uncle Jackie Jackson. [E!]
  • Chief Keef went to McDonald's, ordered a lot of food, and tried to pay for it, but found that he unfortunately had too much currency of the realm. [TMZ]
  • The late, great film critic Roger Ebert has been honored by the National Society of Newspaper Columnists for his outstanding career as a moviegoer. [AP]
  • James Cameron is being sued by yet another disgruntled person who totally thought that Avatar was his idea. British artist Roger Dean is suing Cameron and 20th Century Fox for $50 million, but Dean isn't your run-of-the-mill litigator — he's well-known for creating fantastical album covers for bands like Yes and Asia, and is convinced that the look of Avatar was based on images he created for a 2005 movie proposal he received at the Cannes Film Festival in 2005. [Deadline]
  • Want to know how Henry Cavill came to be the proud owner of all his Superman muscles? He drank a lot of whipped-cream coconut milkshakes, slept at least nine hours each night, and ate lots of fatty snacks. Oh, and he worked out a lot or whatever. [NYDN]
  • Kate Bosworth and Michael Polish went to Petco, not so much to buy anything for their pets but to creep on other people's pets. Isn't that what Petco is for? [Just Jared]

Image via Getty, Theo Wargo