ATTENTION: Please Do NOT Bring Your TENT to the ROYAL WEDDING

Very sorry to inform all of you die-hard royalists that you will not be able to pitch your custom tent emblazoned with the Union Jack and faces of various royal family members along the procession route for Harry and Meghan’s upcoming nuptials.

“Well-wishers from across the globe are expected to arrive days before next month’s big event,” reports the Sun. “But they have been told no tents will be allowed — forcing them to sleep in fold-up chairs in a bid to a secure a prime viewing spot.” Or, as tabloids are SELECTIVELY ALL-CAPSing IT:

The security measures around Windsor are expected to be extensive, with a massive police presence and crowd-control plans. (The Daily Mail says they’re bracing for 100,000 people on the day.) Councilor Phill Bicknell, cabinet member for highways, transport and Windsor, told Royal Central:

“Our main advice for anyone wishing to join us in Windsor for the royal wedding is to plan ahead: pre-plan and book your transport, make sure you arrive early, think carefully about what to bring with you and most of all, don’t forget to come back and visit Windsor again.

“Visitors are welcome to arrive early to get a good space in the town centre or on the Long Walk but due to the large number of people expected we ask people not to bring tents, though folding chairs and some form of cover will be allowed.”

But the rule also follows a Dickensian call to drive the homeless out of the town before the event. The Sun spoke to royal fan Carl Martin, who found out about the measure when he emailed the office of the Windsor councilor/Tory/narrative villain who originally called for the ban, Simon Dudley. Martin got an email back informing him: “Camping will not be allowed along the processional route but folding chairs and some form of cover will be allowed.”

“It’s really sad. A royal wedding brings the country together,” said Martin, adding, “We hope that Meghan and Harry will intervene.”

There goes my plan to find some big group of friendly older American women, with a nice swanky tent, and throw myself on their mercy. (Maybe even with good snacks? Perhaps some prosecco?) Guess I’ll just have to pack my trusty LL Bean raincoat and hope for the best.