Meet Louisiana politician Edwin Edwards. He plans to run for Senate. He's a former four-term governor. He just got out of prison after serving four-year sentence for corruption. And pretty much everything that comes out of his mouth is totally insane and/or hilarious.
From bragging about his sexual prowess, to—well, pretty much bragging more about his sexual prowess, Mother Jones provided a round-up of Edwards's most memorable moments in the public eye, and they are nothing short of
insane amazing. It's like Edwards was created in some kind of lab by Hunter S. Thompson, Hugh Hefner and Walt Disney who all got together and dropped a ton of acid and then decided to create the ultimate political caricature.
He's back. On Wednesday, less than three years after being released from federal prison, Louisiana Democrat Edwin Edwards told Bloomberg's Al Hunt he intends to run for the House seat being vacated by Rep. Bill Cassidy, who is running for Senate. That roar you heard was the sound of political reporters packing their suitcases for extended stays in Baton Rouge. Other than the corruption charges that put him in the slammer, Edwards' four terms in the governor's mansion were defined by dramatic populist politics and brash public statements that drew constant comparisons to former Louisiana governor and senator Huey Long.
They call him the "Silver Fox." They can call him that all they want. I'm not going to call him that. Here's a whole bunch of crazy-ass things he has to say about women and one of his favorite topics, womanazing!
On his new wife, Trina, who is 51 years his junior: "I learned something good to use Republicans for: sleep with them."
On whether it is fair to call him a womanizer: "I ride horses when I go to my ranch. That doesn't make me a cowboy."
On Trina (again): "I'm only as old as the woman I feel."
On the role of women in his administration: "The motto from here on out is up with skirts and down with pants."
On a claim he once slept with six women in one night: "No, it wasn't that way. [The author] was gone when the last one came in."
Are you still unsure if Edwards likes to have sex and is good at it?
On similarities between he and his opponent, former KKK Grand Wizard David Duke: "We're both wizards in the sheets."
Wow! This guy seriously cannot stop talking about how he has actual sex with actual ladies and that he is good at it.
On his 1983 opponent, then Republican Gov.David Treen: "He's so slow, it takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes."
On whether he fears his phone was being tapped by law enforcement: "No—except by jealous husbands."
Oh, I get it. Because he's so sexy! Speaking of sexy:
On his sex drive, 2012: "I don't need Viagra…Viagra needs me. Doesn't the Times-Picayune know they use my blood to make that stuff?"
HIS BLOOD WILL MAKE YOUR SO PENIS HARD. Your movie, Charlie Sheen!
Best of all, he's soooooooooo humble, you guys:
On the most talented politician he's ever seen: "Every time I shave and I look in the mirror, I see him."
This election is going to be spectacular.
Image via AP Images.