Guys, we’ve reached the end. The votes have been tabulated. And I am VERY sorry to tell you, but REALITY, that cold hard truth, has won.

That’s right: Ordering In handily defeated Not Being Here To Make Friends, 53 percent to 46 percent.

Frankly, as a devotee of both life and our representations of it, I was uncertain about which direction this whole experiment would end up in. One part of me wanted to see a sage statement such as “I’m not here to make friends” go the distance. The other prayed for now-forgotten soldiers such as Non-BCCed Group Party Emails, or just the whole Kardashian family, to prove their worth.

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This entire affair has really made me ponder the meaning of life. While it might give others hope that an actual human decision made outside of the constraints of a television show appears more lasting and more noteworthy than the most beautiful phrase of our time, to me, they’re just sides of the same coin. Two iterations of us all trying to be out here for ourselves in this crazy world.

God bless you all, and good luck.


Illustration by Jim Cooke.