All the Smoking-Hot Looks From the 2015 Billboard Awards Red Carpet

Now we’re talking. Charli XCX told my dreaded son Giuliana that she was wearing a vintage ‘30s slip because, quote, “I just wanted to walk out the house, throw it on and go.” There is nothing I relate to more? Danica McKellar could have done that as well, but she went chandelier-themed for the Vegasian splendor and I respect that, too. Hozier looks extremely chill at all times—unassuming, fairly well tailored, not fussy, like his music. On the other hand! Zendaya! Life goddess and style icon Zendaya! Super cool and gazelle-like or, rather, a zebra lounging in cherry blossoms in the club. She rules so hard.

Blonde Idina Menzel is in a Badgley Mischka that is pretty, demure, nothing too wild, especially in comparison to Karen Fairchild of Little Big Town, who is actually impressing me with her willingness to go hard in black leather and thigh-high… legwarmers? Can’t tell if they’re part of her sandals, though it all looks very Givenchy, so probably. (I do not know because her red carpet interviewer was Terence J; he did not ask.)

There she is, Miss America’s insane structural peplum waistline? Where do pageant winners cop their weird gowns? At any rate, Kira Kazantsev is at least making some kind of statement, though I’m not sure what it is. Laverne Cox is sparkly as her surroundings and lovely as ever; I like the space-age vibrations emanating from this party frock and cute pony.

Kendall Jenner showed up in Balmain with friend-dates Olivier Rousteing and Jourdan Dunn (the latter two, apparently unrecognized by my dreaded son Giuliana); assuming Kylie is also wearing Balmain, but she is also looking more and more like her mom. Prince Royce needs to ditch the racing stripe jacket stat, but actor Stefanie Scott’s look is one of my favorites of the night: this is a chill awards show, she is a young actor, why not keep it casually fun in a crop top and a cut of pantleg that I feel weird and trepidatious about liking so much! It’s not a boot cut but it is close, ugh! I really like it, what is wrong with me?

Estelle is lovely, but I have to say it: the sheer-paneled, strategically-placed lace and/or sequin gowns are just done. They are over. (J.Lo’s wearing one too, again, but we’ll get to her later.) I prefer them, though, to whatever Hailee Steinfeld is wearing—is that Rodarte? ugh—she is being swallowed by ruffles and unfortunate draping and it’s a travesty! Natalie La Rose should meet up with Vivian Lamolli and flap with their fringe, an easy way to keep it fun in a word full of sadness. Tracee Ellis Ross with the leather jumpsuit: Work. It. Girl.

50 Cent is giving such a perfect optical illusion with this ombre jacket, which is presumably part of his genius business scheme to psych you out whilst he stunts upon you without compunction. Jennifer Lopez, again: if I had that much body-ody-ody to give, I would probably wear sheer crap constantly but, again, tired of this silhouette on her and you and everyone we damn know. Let’s move on, fashion! Meghan Trainor is very pretty in Badgley Mischka but there’s something a little buttoned-up about it to my liking. Can we strike a balance between La Lo and Meghan? Wiz Khalifa (and 50) are doing one of my favorite things on men, which is crispy white sneakers and suits. Wiz’s hemline is a little fresher, though, and very sharp in that shiny grey thing.

Iggy and Britney are debuting their new song together tonight; Brit Brit is perfectly herself in this nude gown, but also, again, not fun enough. Iggy fares much better with her new look—I love the pink and baby blue, even though pink dip-dye is a little 2013. Nick Jonas is wearing Kenzo, a fascinating choice, actually; with Olivia Culpo they look like the stars of some new Vegas blockbuster about the craps table. Taylor Swift is here, in white, in pants. I love pants. This is fine.

Be careful what you ask for… I’m constantly asking for MORE on the red carpet and then Dencia shows up in V. Stiviano’s eyeshadow and Nicki Minaj’s 2012 pom-pom jumper and you’re just like Whoa Gyal! Chrissy Tiegen’s wallpaper-in-a-masculine-bathroom gown looks fabulous in comparison. Who cares what Mariah is wearing, though: look at that smirk. Could do without the sheer panels, though. Rita Ora’s Grecian dress is pretty but it seems a little forced; as a statement piece, it’s lacking.

mages via Getty