The biggest country stars in the world did their best to look polished and modern at Wednesday night’s CMA Awards, but some fared better than others. See all the cowboy hats, embroidery and coordinated couples below.

Carrie Underwood’s dress has a pretty orange glow that reminds me of a lovely spring flower, but suffers from the ole pooping-fabric in the back.

David Nail’s wife Catherine Nail, Jana Kramer and Shawna Thompson dressed their baby bumps for the evening, with doting husbands as their accessories. Kramer’s sparkled gown is the most flattering.

Ashley Monroe is giving me chic skunk in this draped gown and I don’t hate it, except for the shoes. Aubrey Peeples is just fine, and Hannah Davis wants you see her legs but just one of them (plus THAT RING).

Yes, Miranda Lambert. Yas, even.

Which of these cowboy hats do you most want to throw in the garbage? Choose wisely from these selections: the Brothers Osbourne, Jason Aldean, Preston Bust and Chris Lucas and your weird uncle Tracy Lawrence.

Justin Timberlake looks fresh in a down-home version of his standard blazer-and-jeans uniform, opting for suede boots and no tie.

Justin definitely knows where he is.

Kimberly Perry of the Band Perry went for a sleek half-short, half-long gown that looks OK on her. I’m not sure what’s happening with Lauren Alaina’s sad train. And here’s singer Sera Cahoone with her soccer star fiancé Megan Rapinoe in a smart suit.

Hayley Orrantia’s dress looks like something from a Harry Potter sample sale and these other two dresses on RaeLynn and Rachel Holder scream junior.

All of these men look great in burgundy and they have the names of suave English countrymen: Canaan Smith, Cole Swindell and Eastin Corbin.

These couples got dressed in separate rooms.

Keith Urban is so lax in a sheer shirt (“Oh this?”) that should definitely be shorter than it is.

When in doubt, go for an embroidered sofa-print blazer, like Chase Bryant, Dustin Lynch and Scotty McCreery. Steven Tyler doesn’t give a DAMN when bell bottoms went out of style.

Jennifer Nettles (left) and Meghan Linsey’s (right) mermaid dresses are clunkers for me. And Kellie Pickler should be at the Oscars but looks cute.

I kinda respect the gaudiness of Chris Stapleton’s cowboy hat to the far left. But no one stopped Edie Brickell from wearing cowboy boots with a little black dress.

Of all the men at the CMAs, Fallout Boy looked the most like they live in 2015.

Karen Fairchild, Katie Armiger, a barely breathing Kayla Adams and Kelsea Ballerini (I like) did nude numbers.

Lots of strategically placed lace worn by pageant queen Betty Cantrell, Cam, Cassadee Pope and Erica Nicole.

You guys look like you’re manspreaders.

Clare Dunn could have done without the tights, Jewel Kilcher’s glittery short dress has one too many cutouts, and I’m sorry Lee Ann Womack looks so tiny.


Contact the author at clover@jezebel.com.

Images via Getty