Justin Bieber Posts Photo Mocking Nemesis Orlando Bloom

This Justin Bieber vs. Orlando Bloom bloodfeud is relevant to all of my interests: stupid people, hot people, and bloodfeuds. Today, in the aftermath of Punchlandomageddon 2014, Bieber posted a revenge photo of Orlando Bloom pretending to cry (TRULY A ZINGER), then deleted it, then re-posted it—an ingenious double… » 7/30/14 8:00pm 18 minutes ago

Fox News Mouthbreather Calls Bachelorette Andi a 'Slut'

Like a lot of people, the cast of Fox News' The Five were abuzz about Monday's Bachelorette finale in which rejected contestant Nick pulled back the show's see-through curtain and admitted that the Bachelorette (in this case, Andi Dorfman) does indeed sleep with several of the men vying for her affections. This… » 7/30/14 7:45pm 33 minutes ago

Bored Teens Are Literally Just Setting Themselves on Fire for Fun

What won't teens do for a bit of excitement? If they're not overdosing on Jenkem or bubbling their way to a fever bordering on frenzy while at an after-school rainbow party, they're setting fire to themselves for the world to see. Way to go, teens of the world! We salute you! (Actually, we're quite concerned. Could… » 7/30/14 7:15pm Today 7:15pm

Colleges That Botch Rape Investigations Could Face Millions in Fines

A truly motley crew of Senators has introduced a bill that would crack down on schools that fail to address campus sexual assault. But unlike window dress-y efforts that amount to little more than campaign ads for politicians uninterested in effecting actual change, this bill actually sounds like it's got some teeth. » 7/30/14 7:00pm Today 7:00pm

How to Fix Your Life: Waking Up With a Good Attitude

Waking up in the morning is hard. Waking up at any other time is even harder (especially if you have been napping). Sometimes you just want to stay in bed because work sucks/life sucks/you have the depression like me. Here's how to fix your attitude in several easy steps! » 7/30/14 6:27pm Today 6:27pm

Hey, Idiots: Shutting Down Clinics Doesn't Make Abortion Go Away

It's been just over a year since Texas passed hideously severe (and not medically necessary) restrictions on abortion providers. In that time, over half of the clinics in the state have been forced to stop offering abortion services — however, the rate of abortion procedures in the state has only dropped 13 percent.… » 7/30/14 6:20pm Today 6:20pm

Keith Urban Fans Watch as Man Rapes 17-Year-Old At Outdoor Concert

Over the weekend, a 17-year-old girl attending a rowdy Keith Urban concert outside of Boston broke away from her friends with a man she'd just met. Minutes later, the man was sexually assaulting her out in the open as more than a dozen passersby watched, with some even taking cell phone videos. » 7/30/14 5:40pm Today 5:40pm

App Debt: How Kim Kardashian and Uber Will Bankrupt Us All

Kim Kardashian: Hollywood, the celebrity role-playing game from the Seinfeld of reality stars, is currently the fifth most popular free iPhone app on Apple's charts. It's also the fifth-highest grossing. One analyst predicted revenue of $200 million this year. But how many of the fame gamers that put it there have any… » 7/30/14 5:17pm Today 5:17pm

Sexist Douche Pastor Mark Driscoll Believes Our Nation Is 'Pussified'

You might remember swaggering, misogynist evangedouche/human Affliction tee Mark Driscoll from being terrible on Glenn Beck, being terrible on Fox and Friends, or being terrible any time he does anything ever, which is all the time. But he's really ramped up the action in the last month or so! It seems like dude can't… » 7/30/14 5:00pm Today 5:00pm

Katy Perry Misses the Point on Cultural Appropriation Criticism

In her latest Rolling Stone feature, Katy Perry addresses the accusations of cultural appropriation that have followed her throughout her career. Based on her response, it's clearly something she's thought about quite critically: "I guess I'll just stick to baseball and hot dogs, and that's it," she says. Oh, boy. » 7/30/14 4:40pm Today 4:40pm

Another Mom Is Arrested for Letting Her Kid Go to the Park Alone

Fifteen days ago, we heard about South Carolina mom Debra Harrell, who was arrested when her 9-year-old daughter was found playing in a park alone. On Wednesday morning, the Today show aired the story of Florida resident Nicole Gainey, who was arrested when her 7-year-old son was spotted walking to a park by himself. » 7/30/14 4:20pm Today 4:20pm

Man Seeks Girls To Host Fantasy Football Draft, Possibly While Topless

The cool bro you see above is, according to this Craigslist post, looking for two girls to host his upcoming fantasy football draft. All he needs is a couple of girls to run the draft board, serve the fellas some drinks, and, you know, wear a bikini or some sexy lingerie and maybe even pop those tops off—I mean,… » 7/30/14 4:13pm Today 4:13pm

This Week in Tabloids: Normals Who Dated A-Listers Spill Sex Secrets

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Callie Beusman heads to the newsstand and picks up the latest issues of Ok!, Star, In Touch, Life & Style and Us so that together we may worship at the altar of Tabloid. This week: Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello continue to be hotter than the hinges of Hell; Jen Garner is… » 7/30/14 3:50pm Today 3:50pm

Friendship Means Saving Your Bestie From Herself

It's National Friendship Day, and, really, is there a more important holiday? If life is a cheesy 80's movie, friends are the weed edibles that make it watchable. Without amigos, who would stop us from getting baby bangs? Your friends constantly save you from the horrorshow that is your life, and it's time to repay… » 7/30/14 12:00pm Today 12:00pm