Please Save the Midlife Crisis Skateboarders of Manhattan

We come to you, readers, with a very serious topic of discussion. It has come to our attention that there is a current trend of midlife crisis-addled men seeking to regain some semblance of their youth by riding around Manhattan on skateboards while wearing business suits. This is real, and it is impossible not to… » 6/30/15 10:45pm 5 minutes ago

Police Have Shot 123 Mentally Ill or Distraught People So Far in 2015

A vitally important new analysis from the Washington Post found that one-quarter of the people shot dead by police this year—123 out of 461—were mentally ill or emotionally distraught. The Post found, too, that more than half of the killings involved police agencies whose officers weren’t properly trained in dealing… » 6/30/15 8:30pm Today 8:30pm

Rapper Who Cut Off His Own Penis Is Proud of His Cut-Off Penis

On April of 2014, rapper Andre “Christ Bearer” Johnson cut off his penis and jumped off a second-story balcony while high on PCP. In the past year, the penis—thank you for asking—has been reattached and Johnson ;););) has reflected on his actions and arrived at the conclusion that cutting off his penis and jumping off… » 6/30/15 8:00pm Today 8:00pm

Julia Roberts Avenges Her Daughter's Death In Secret In Their Eyes

Secret In Their Eyes is a new revenge thriller that, like many movies of today, has already been made before. Though it’s not officially a remake/reimagining of the 1996 Sally Field/Kiefer Sutherland film Eye For An Eye, it is unofficially a remake/reimagining of the 1996 Sally Field/Kiefer Sutherland film Eye For An… » 6/30/15 7:00pm Today 7:00pm

Friends Characters Are Total Dicks, According to Vanessa Bayer

Monday night on Jimmy Kimmel Live, SNL’s Vanessa Bayer broke out her startlingly excellent impressions of the Friends cast to prove a very evident point—that hanging out in real life with Rachel, Monica, Ross, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey would be close to unbearable, as the characters were so damn smug, self-absorbed,… » 6/30/15 5:40pm Today 5:40pm

An Ode to Sydney Leroux's Eyelashes

Everywhere I go, people are talking trash about Sydney Leroux’s fake eyelashes. To be fair, I’ve been in Canada, where she’s particularly reviled. I get it, she turned her back on you, Canada. You’re hurt. But through the pain, I beg you, do not bring her eyelashes into this. Because let’s be real: those eyelashes are… » 6/30/15 5:18pm Today 5:18pm