Tales from the Crypt of Bed Bugs You Probably Have in Your Mattress

Remember the horrible bed bug invasion that was going to plunge New York into the Age of the Insect, when all Gothamites would have to feed their mattresses to the insatiable Bed Bug Queen living in the subway tunnels? It was going to be terrible, and then, magically, bed bugs vanished from the news...until now.

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Six Insane 'Insights' From the Hypercompetitive Juice Industry

As the juice trend barrels uncontrollably ahead (much like your diarrhea will when juice is all you consume), the titans of the industry are becoming more and more defensive both in response to those who question juice as The Way of Life and with one other. Unbearable debates over what constitutes as "real juice" are…

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Behold la Chatelaine, the Versatile Device for the No-Bullshit Crafter

What, pray tell, is this remarkably versatile piece of utilitarian jewelry? It’s a “chatelaine,” which bore all the accessories most useful to an extremely fancy woman living in the 19th century. They held all sorts of things, from whistles to thimble buckets, and the really well-made chatelaines were minor aesthetic …

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Indonesian Lawmakers Consider Stricter Laws Against Sexy Black Magic

Earlier this week, we found out that Indonesia would finally be doing something about all the out-of-wedlock sex and black magic that its citizens are enjoying, probably simultaneously, since a proper, married household hardly seems like the place for the occult. A new criminal code currently making the legislative…

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Dancing, Kissing, and Public Proposing on the All-Seeing Jumbotron

The Jumbotron sees all, and sometimes the Jumbotron sees so much that we can use it as a sort of compendium of our wildest hopes and darkest fears, like that fear we have of being publicly rejected or having beer spilled all over us by a clumsy doofus. Gaze into the eye of the Jumbotron and feel your kinship with the …

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During her arrest in Midtown last night, Amanda Bynes was taken to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation; it turns out this was set in motion by "friend and Hollywood publicist" Jonathan Jaxson, who told the police that he had proof that Bynes was suicidal.

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Meet the 28-Year-Old CEO of Bang With Friends

The last time I met up with “C”, the CEO of Bang with Friends, it was for a boozy night of bar-hopping that ended up on a Brooklyn rooftop. He refused to tell me his last name. That changed last week when the Webutante Ball inadvertently outed Colin Hodge and his cofounder Omri Mor by listing their names in the ballot…

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Amanda Bynes Has Reportedly Been Arrested at Her Midtown Apartment

The Amanda Bynes entropy cycle has reached an unfortunate (and probably inevitable) new stage: the actress is rumored to have been arrested in her Midtown apartment late Thursday night after a bong-tossing confrontation with NYPD officers.

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Crusty Old Dickhead Jerry Lewis Still Doesn’t Like Female Comedians

Superannuated comic misogynist Jerry Lewis, who, we ought to say, looks great for 87, still can’t stomach the idea of women performing comedy. A potential life-giving mother with a bountiful womb and nipples a-weeping with life-giving milk making jokes? Jerry Lewis says thankz but no thankz, ladies — he prefers his…

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Man Who Impersonated Neighbor to Schedule Craigslist Orgy Faces Prison

Craigslist, the parallel dimension where you can find a reasonably priced and barely stained couch as quickly as you can find a free handjob, is not to be trifled with, especially if that trifling involves the “casual encounters” section. Unfortunately, a Wisconsin man learned his lesson about not using Craigslist to…

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