Fifty Shades' Real Problem: Jamie Dornan Is Hotter Than Christian Grey

The Fifty Shades of Grey trailer is upon us, and while it doesn't reveal much from the Red Room of Pain, it does come wih the startling discovery that Jamie Dornan's been stripped of his hair and turned into a sanitized, shaved, waxed version of himself. » 7/24/14 4:00pm 10 minutes ago

Hazing Investigation: Ohio State Band Members Are Horny And Depraved

The Ohio State University marching band is in some shit after an investigation revealed the band to be more or less Porky's with tubas and kettle drums. A report stemming from the university's two-month investigation has quite a few details on the internal goings-on of the Best Damn Band in the Land, including the… » 7/24/14 3:49pm 20 minutes ago

Let These Kids Talking About TMNT Make You Feel Old

Are you an adult person struggling with the challenges of explaining to young people how all the things they are obsessed with stemmed from old, shitty things you barely cared about? Then don't watch this video because it will probably give you hives and I don't want to be responsible for your therapy bills. » 7/24/14 3:20pm 50 minutes ago

NFL: Beating a Woman Unconscious Is 1/8th as Bad as Pot Smoking

Earlier this year, Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice punched his fiancee so hard she passed out and then dragged her unconscious body out of an elevator. The whole thing was caught on camera and resulted in Rice being charged with aggravated assault. His punishment from the NFL? Two game suspension. » 7/24/14 3:00pm Today 3:00pm

Women Want Bushy Brows and Are Wearing Face-Merkins to Get Them

Ah, the halcyon days of the '90s, when we humans dwelled placidly under the dot-com bubble, foolishly investing all of our money in Beanie Babies and plucking out most of our eyebrow hairs. Now, in the 2010s, we are all left bereft, hopelessly gluing strands of our head-hair to our patchy faces and cursing the gods… » 7/24/14 1:20pm Today 1:20pm

CAT DIALS 911 Is the Ultimate Summer News Story

Forget a slow news day—summer is the slow news season. Politicians, celebs and bigwigs aren't doing anything but chilling at their second and third homes. Coverage thins to two categories: sudden catastrophes (plane crash, plane crash, plane crash) and "hell, just go with it." Here is the ultimate example of the… » 7/24/14 1:00pm Today 1:00pm

The Most Glorious Few Seconds of Kathie Lee and Hoda Ever

As previously discussed, Beyoncé has been tapped to record a new version of "Crazy In Love" for the movie Fifty Shades of Grey. On The Today Show Thursday, Hoda and Kathie Lee took it upon themselves to watch the trailer (again) and channel their inner sex goddesses, culminating in the most glorious few seconds of… » 7/24/14 12:40pm Today 12:40pm

Wall Street Bro Sued for $75 million in Sexual Harassment Lawsuit

Benjamin Wey, a financier at New York Global Communications, has been slapped with a $75 million sexual harassment lawsuit from Hanna Bouveng, his 24-year-old former director of corporate communications. Bouveng alleges that Wey insisted that she wear tight clothes around the office and used alcohol to pressure her… » 7/24/14 11:00am Today 11:00am

Cheeky Queen 'Photobombs' Candid Photos

Queen Elizabeth, the English-speaking world's poker-faced great great aunt, has spent much of her life participating in painstakingly staged photo ops. Ergo, it's pretty tough to catch her in a candid moment. But smartphones are changing that—witness today's grinning appearance on Instagram. » 7/24/14 10:20am Today 10:20am