This Week in Tabloids: Kanye Didn't Give Kim a Blingy Push Present

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Kristine Gutierrez visits the newsstand and picks up the hot-off-the-press issues of Ok!, In Touch, Life & Style, Us and Star, where we search for juicy fruits of gossip. This week: Gwyneth is going to set Taylor Swift up with some Brit blokes; Kanye was amazing/horrible in the delivery room when Kim had the baby; and Kim didn't get the blingy push present she was hoping for.

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Dolce and Gabbana Receive Fabulously Suspended Jail Sentence

Two of the fashion world's biggest names are going to prison. Domenico Dolce, Stefano Gabbana, and their five co-defendants were found guilty of tax evasion charges in Italy. The designers were sentenced to one year and eight months of prison time. They are expected to appeal.

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Catholic Church Rules Gay Men Can Get Married -- to Lesbians

In a move that should surprise only those being cryogenically unfrozen after decades in suspended animation, the Catholic Church is officially okay with gay dudes marrying women and leading frustrating, unfulfilling lives of unpleasant sex. Their reasoning? When a penis and vagina — sorry, man and woman — get…

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Bachelor Host Releases Dating App Because We Definitely Need More

In our continual pledge to make sure Chris Harrison, host of The Bachelor and all its spin-offs, becomes the most relevant person on planet Earth, we encourage you to please sign up for his new dating service At First Sight, which is totally different than all those other dating apps because it uses video.

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Fashion Scavenger Hunt: Help Find These Tan Peep Toe Sandals

Welcome to Fashion Scavenger Hunt, a column to help you track down your favorite products — clothes, makeup, shoes, whatever — that have been discontinued or otherwise lost in the passage of time and quickie fashion trends. Email katie@jezebel.com to submit your own "wanted" ads.
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The Creepy Side Of E3

You might not have heard about the security guard that groped a journalist at this year's E3. Or the writer who gave a PR woman his business card by slipping it in her dress. Or the women presumed to be booth babes simply because of the way they looked.

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'Spanking for Jesus' Is Exactly as Fucked Up as It Sounds

Christian Domestic Discipline, or CDD as its adherents call it, is a movement that seeks to carry out God's will. Which specific plan of God's? Oh, you know, just that all women obey their husbands fastidiously — a dynamic that CDD thinks is best maintained through doling out out corporal punishments. Its few thousand practitioners, however, claim that it's not domestic abuse.

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