BREAKING: Esquire Declares 42-Year-Old Women Now Fuckable

Why, used to be, a woman at the age of 42 could hardly be glanced at, much less taken to bed and ravaged shame-free in broad daylight. No longer. Esquire has sent word across all channels that 42-year-old women have been removed from the Do Not Bang list and are no longer off-limits to respectable men. In other news,… » 7/10/14 4:00pm 48 minutes ago

Japanese 'Zoo Jeans' Are Ripped and Distressed by Actual Lions

WELL HERE IS A SITUATION. I can't tell how much of this is real and how much is just a viral publicity stunt (it's both, I guess), but apparently someone wrapped a bunch of balls and tires in denim and then threw them into zoo enclosures to be gnawed and shredded by lions, tigers, and bears, and then took that denim… » 7/10/14 3:20pm Today 3:20pm

Here Is a Psychologist Who Will Help You Deal With 'Mom Shaming'

The minute you even consider getting knocked up, the fraught decisions begin: Where will you park the kid during work hours? Should you find a more flexible job? Can you live on anything less than a full-time salary? Is it more cost-effective to stay at home for a couple of years? Meanwhile you're swarmed (and maybe… » 7/10/14 2:40pm Today 2:40pm

Interrupted Sleep Might As Well Be Barely Any Sleep at All

Finally, a justification for your deep, abiding hatred of the night-owl neighbors who won't turn down their godforsaken TV set: Interrupted sleep is damn near just as bad as outright sleep deprivation. Might as well just get out of bed and read The Goldfinch until they shut up at 3 a.m. » 7/10/14 1:20pm Today 1:20pm

White Lady Drives Mercedes to Pick Up Food Stamps; Chaos Ensues

Darlena Cunha had it so good in 2008 for a white woman from an affluent suburb with a college degree: She and her husband earned $120k, twins on the way, a house worth $250k. Then the market crashed, husband lost his (journalism) job, and the preemies needed costly formula. Their solid middle class income now clocked… » 7/10/14 1:00pm Today 1:00pm

16-Year-Old's Rape Goes Viral Because Human Beings Are Terrible

The recorded rape of a Houston area teen has gone viral on social media, sparking its own mocking hashtag on Twitter and sending humanity spiraling ever more rapidly toward its inevitable and rapidly approaching self-inflicted demise. » 7/10/14 12:00pm Today 12:00pm

Toddler and WWII Vet Are Best Friends, Will Melt Your Heart Into Goo

Emmett (toddler) and Erling (WWII Vet) bonded over a tomato patch. Now they're best friends who ride bikes, play croquet (omgomgomg), and race mowers. This is probably going to turn into a TV movie and I will watch it and cry every time I have a bad day. (Which is most days because I am a grumpy and disagreeable… » 7/10/14 11:40am Today 11:40am

#HuskyTwitter Is Being Ruined By Rick Ross

Since ESPN’s 2014 Body Issue debuted this week with baseball player Prince Fielder on the cover bare bellied and thick, #huskytwitter was born to celebrate the healthier male form. I approved … until I saw a sad list of “Husky Men I Shouldn’t Overlook” which included many knockoffs. » 7/10/14 11:20am Today 11:20am