Okay, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS STORY. Adam Sandler went on Jay Leno last night and told a heeeee-larious story about how for two months straight he kept waking up covered in itchy lesions, so he set up a security camera in his bedroom and caught the housekeeper sneaking in and rubbing poison ivy all over his entire body…
Donald Trump Tries to Understand Youths, Lil Jon
In today's edition of Tweet Beat, tries to wrap his toupée-topped head around the enigma of Lil Jon (probably for money), Anthony Bourdain reflects on his Boy Scouts experience, and Flea may or may not have cried into his cereal this morning.
Beyoncé's Pregnant: The Five Things You'll Hear for the Next 9 Months
The British have Kate Middleton, but across the pond, we've got Beyoncé. The Queen of America is with child, and it is time to succumb to the wildest rumors that will undoubtedly consume our thoughts until Bey's second baby is birthed. Did Beyoncé go to Cuba to become impregnated with Fidel Castro's child? Is this…
Berlusconi's Hired Stripper Wore Obama Mask at His 'Bunga Bunga' Parties
Ever since former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Burlusconi's sex parties came under investigation in 2011, I've spent many a-morning pondering the meaning of the term given to the raunchy late night escapades of the premier, "bunga bunga" parties. Initially, I thought it was a sound appropriated from Gullah Gullah…
The Teen TV Guide to Getting Emancipated From Your Parents
"WELL MAYBE I'LL JUST EMANCIPATE MYSELF," I was known to yell at my parents at a startingly young age. They'd respond with raucous laughter that would last for days, as I would skulk back to my room to sit in sadness with my paper dolls and pout because I didn't want to learn my multiplication tables/eat broccoli/suffer …
Deadspin How To Give A Best Man Toast That Doesn't Suck | io9 Game of Thrones will end with season 7: Producer | Kotaku How To Turn Your Android Phone Into A Gaming Powerhouse | Jezebel How to Wear A&F While Fat, as Demonstrated by Jerry From 'Parks & Rec' | Valleywag Tumblr: Still Full of Porn and Self-Mutilation
Ugh, relationships, amirite!? All full of "other people" and "other people's bodies" and "other people's stuff touching your body." It's a recipe for Problem City: The Food.* For instance, don't you hate it when somebody finds your vagina repulsive, yet keeps putting his penis in it over and over? I certainly do. MORE ON THAT IN A MINUTE.
Michelle Obama Debuts Side Swept Bangs Because Benghazi
First Lady Michelle Obama, like Zooey Deschanel before her, has wordlessly declared bangs "out."
