NFL: Beating a Woman Unconscious Is 1/8th as Bad as Pot Smoking

Earlier this year, Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice punched his fiancee so hard she passed out and then dragged her unconscious body out of an elevator. The whole thing was caught on camera and resulted in Rice being charged with aggravated assault. His punishment from the NFL? Two game suspension. » 7/24/14 3:00pm 5 minutes ago

Women Want Bushy Brows and Are Wearing Face-Merkins to Get Them

Ah, the halcyon days of the '90s, when we humans dwelled placidly under the dot-com bubble, foolishly investing all of our money in Beanie Babies and plucking out most of our eyebrow hairs. Now, in the 2010s, we are all left bereft, hopelessly gluing strands of our head-hair to our patchy faces and cursing the gods… » 7/24/14 1:20pm Today 1:20pm

CAT DIALS 911 Is the Ultimate Summer News Story

Forget a slow news day—summer is the slow news season. Politicians, celebs and bigwigs aren't doing anything but chilling at their second and third homes. Coverage thins to two categories: sudden catastrophes (plane crash, plane crash, plane crash) and "hell, just go with it." Here is the ultimate example of the… » 7/24/14 1:00pm Today 1:00pm

The Most Glorious Few Seconds of Kathie Lee and Hoda Ever

As previously discussed, Beyoncé has been tapped to record a new version of "Crazy In Love" for the movie Fifty Shades of Grey. On The Today Show Thursday, Hoda and Kathie Lee took it upon themselves to watch the trailer (again) and channel their inner sex goddesses, culminating in the most glorious few seconds of… » 7/24/14 12:40pm Today 12:40pm

Wall Street Bro Sued for $75 million in Sexual Harassment Lawsuit

Benjamin Wey, a financier at New York Global Communications, has been slapped with a $75 million sexual harassment lawsuit from Hanna Bouveng, his 24-year-old former director of corporate communications. Bouveng alleges that Wey insisted that she wear tight clothes around the office and used alcohol to pressure her… » 7/24/14 11:00am Today 11:00am

Cheeky Queen 'Photobombs' Candid Photos

Queen Elizabeth, the English-speaking world's poker-faced great great aunt, has spent much of her life participating in painstakingly staged photo ops. Ergo, it's pretty tough to catch her in a candid moment. But smartphones are changing that—witness today's grinning appearance on Instagram. » 7/24/14 10:20am Today 10:20am

ISIS Demands Genital Mutilation of Iraqi Women in Mosul

According to the United Nations, the radical Sunni Islamist group ISIS currently attempting to take over Iraq and Syria has demanded that those women and girls living in the northern Iraqi city of Mosul be genitally mutilated. » 7/24/14 10:00am Today 10:00am

The Fifty Shades of Grey Trailer Is Here in All Its BDSM-Lite Glory

What a beautiful time to be alive: the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer has premiered on the Today show, and it appears this film will be documenting the emotional journey of a woman with a low ponytail and an ill-fitting cardigan (VISUAL REPRESENTATIONS OF SELF-DOUBT) who finds herself charmed by an unblinking… » 7/24/14 9:15am Today 9:15am