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Watch a Very Smug Circa 2008 Jared Fogle Explain That Pedophiles Who Get Caught Are Idiots

There’s nothing worse than a smug asshole who thinks they’re getting away with something. Jared Fogle, who is only now getting his comeuppance for heinous crimes involving children, is no exception. The former Subway spokesperson and “Child Porn & Chill” enthusiast may be going to jail now, but in 2008, he was on top… »9/04/15 5:10pmA minute ago

Kim Davis's Lawyer Compares the Jailed Homophobe to a Jew Living in Nazi Germany

Kim Davis has finally been punished for her refusal to uphold laws that grant others civil rights. If she wants to get out of jail anytime soon, she should probably fire her lawyer from Liberty Counsel, because he just unironically compared her to a Jew being persecuted by Nazis. »9/04/15 4:28pm43 minutes ago

Comatose Woman Wakes to Reveal Her Alleged Suicide Attempt Was Really Murder

An Italian woman who went into a coma following a 115-foot fall from a cruise ship balcony in July has woken to deny reports that she had tried to commit suicide. Now police are investigating her boyfriend, who the victim says was abusive. “I don’t know if he pushed me, but I certainly didn’t want to commit suicide,”… »9/04/15 3:50pmToday 3:50pm

'Stripper Moms' and 'Panty Droppers' No Longer Cool in New Hampshire

Up until recently, you could saddle up to any ole liquor store in New Hampshire and ask a worker what you needed to make a cocktail like the Stripper Mom, the Panty Dropper, or (your personal favorite) the Busted Rubber. Not anymore, though! Thanks to the P.C. thought and cocktail police, all of these drinks with… »9/04/15 3:30pmToday 3:30pm

This Clip of British Babies Chilling With Elephant Babies Is Really Too Much

In a clip from an episode of BBC’s This Wild Life, which follows wildlife expert Saba Douglas-Hamilton and her family’s move to the Samburu National Reserve in Kenya (sort of an IRL The Wild Thornberrys), Saba and her young kids hang out with Sokotei, a recently orphaned baby elephant, at an orphanage in Nairobi. »9/04/15 2:30pmToday 2:30pm

I Have 8 Types of Cheese in My Fridge Right Now But Not Kraft Singles, Thank God

Last month, Kraft announced that they were recalling thousands of boxes of their “cheese” singles. On Thursday, they went further, recalling 335,000 cases on top of the 36,000 already taken off the market, because more customers reported that they too had eaten a piece of wrapper plastic instead of straight cheese. »9/04/15 1:50pmToday 1:50pm

Daycare Employees Who Started a 'Baby Fight Club' Are Headed to Court

The first rule of Baby Fight Club is: You do not put videos of your Baby Fight Club on Snapchat. If you break that [incredibly important] rule of Baby Fight Club, you will probably be fired from your job and charged with “endangering the welfare of a child.” This is, for the most part, what happened to two New Jersey… »9/04/15 1:30pmToday 1:30pm

Today's Best Deals: Star Wars Toys, Nexus 6, Ultrawide Monitor, and More

Here are the best of today’s deals. Get every great deal every day on Kinja Deals, follow us on Facebook and Twitter to never miss a deal, join us on Kinja Gear to read about great products, and on Kinja Co-Op to help us find the best. »9/04/15 1:15pmToday 1:15pm

Teenage Boy Arrested After Posting Eminem Lyrics Referencing Columbine

Police in Fresno, California arrested a 15-year-old teenager after he posted lyrics from the Eminem song, “I’m Back,” on his Instagram. The sophomore high school student’s post read, “I take seven kids from Columbine, stand ’em all in a line, add an AK-47, a revolver, a nine, a MAC-11 and it oughtta solve the problem… »9/04/15 12:30pmToday 12:30pm

‘Only Lesbians Play Pokémon,’ And Other Video Game Store Horror Stories

After roughly 1200 comments and dozens of emails, I have the first round of your horrible video game store experiences. It’s disconcerting how many of you seemed to have been conned out of your money due to bullshit policies on returns and generally grouchy employees. Fortunately, sharing the misery helps lighten the… »9/04/15 12:25pmToday 12:25pm