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No, It Is Certainly Not Time to Stop Eating Fucking Salad

Ranch dressing is dumb. Croutons are bad mojo. Shredded cheddar cheese is offensive. A coupla barely ripe tomato wedges are a travesty. Shaved carrots are a slap in the face. Simply tossing these things atop a pile of listless iceberg does not a good salad make. This is the argument being made by Tamar Haspel at the … » 8/31/15 5:00pm Today 5:00pm

Ashley Madison Code Shows More Women, and More Bots

After searching through the Ashley Madison database and private email last week, I reported that there might be roughly 12,000 real women active on Ashley Madison. Now, after looking at the company’s source code, it’s clear that I arrived at that low number based in part on a misunderstanding of the evidence. Equally… » 8/31/15 3:50pm Today 3:50pm

'Purity' Used to Target Women, But for Franzen, Purity Targets Men 

Purity starts out, as Jonathan Franzen’s books do, with a word used unusually well, a little signal that the author is in control. In The Corrections, it was “the berserk wind.” In Freedom it was “conniving with the coal industry.” In Purity, it was “without undue weirdness transpiring,” where “transpiring” has the… » 8/31/15 3:45pm Today 3:45pm

What are the Best Ballet Flats?

Fall is coming. As Dodai Stewart put it, ballet flats are, “so gamine, so easy, so cute, so chic, so versatile — but the truth is, they can be terribly uncomfortable when they’re actually on your feet.” Which flat brings the most versatility with the least pain? Tell us in the comments. » 8/31/15 3:15pm Today 3:15pm

Why Isn't Elisabeth Hasselbeck Classified As a Hate Group? 

Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the third runner-up on season two of Survivor, had a particularly stupid thought Monday which she helpfully shared on national television. Elisabeth wondered why the Black Lives Matter movement hasn’t been classified as a hate group. What’s funny is that we’ve all been wondering the same thing… » 8/31/15 3:05pm Today 3:05pm

Woman Pulled Over for Breastfeeding Two-Year-Old While Cruising Down Highway

An unidentified woman has been cited in Everett, Washington after a concerned citizen called 911, terrified that the woman was rolling along the highway with an unrestrained child on her lap. State troopers responding to the call found something even more surprising than a mom letting a kid play driver: she was… » 8/31/15 2:45pm Today 2:45pm

'Honk If Droping Off Daughter': Sad, Weird College Sex Banners Across America

Last week was move-in time at many of America’s colleges and universities, and, thus, a great time to shout from the rooftops how excited some students are to have sex with 18-year-old girls and/or their mothers. College students the nation over were making banners to proclaim how good they are at sex, and we asked… » 8/31/15 1:40pm Today 1:40pm

Today's Best Deals: Educational Kindle Sale, Cordless Vacuum, and More

Here are the best of today’s deals. Get every great deal every day on Kinja Deals, follow us on Facebook and Twitter to never miss a deal, join us on Kinja Gear to read about great products, and on Kinja Co-Op to help us find the best. » 8/31/15 1:15pm Today 1:15pm

Scott Walker Wants to Build a Wall Between the US and Canada

If you’ve ever wondered what happened to the annoying kid in your government class who elicited groans every time he opened his mouth about “the immigrant problem” or “what we should do about the middle east,” look no further than presidential candidate Scott Walker. The man who has never answered one question… » 8/31/15 1:04pm Today 1:04pm

Why Is It So Fucking Hard to Figure Out How Much a Wedding Will Cost?

Recently, I looked back at the preliminary wedding budget my fiancee Joe and I had come up with it about six months ago after approximately 16 seconds of internet research. Now, I’ve realized that it was all so horrifically off-base, it might as well have been written in ancient runes. It was like when you ask a… » 8/31/15 12:40pm Today 12:40pm

Watch the Video for Miley’s New Weed-and-Glitter-Fueled Single

Miley’s free-love surprise album hit the internet like a glitter bath bomb last night, an off-label release just after her VMA-closing, neon drag-queen extravaganza introducing her new sound. The Flaming Lips’ Wayne Coyne, who co-produced “Dooo It,” told the New York Times, “Miley is the new Madonna,” referring to the… » 8/31/15 12:25pm Today 12:25pm