A Hundred Years of Testimonies to Ketchup's Supremacy

The recently announced merger of Heinz and Kraft has prompted some to declare ketchup "a comfort food for people who never aged past wearing disposable pants, using fat pencils and shoving their dirty fists in their mouths." Jeb Lund, normally a quick-witted sage, has turned full-blown troll extraordinaire in this… » 3/27/15 4:30pm 39 minutes ago

Which Sad and 'Very Famous' Actress Is Seeking Life Advice on Reddit?

Today, from Reddit's unreliable and rocky shores, someone claiming to be a "very famous" 26-year-old singer and actress posted in r/Relationships about how much she loathes being famous and how sad it's making her. There is absolutely no way to know whether or not this is real or some Friday trolling, but nonetheless,… » 3/27/15 4:15pm 54 minutes ago

NYU Employees Urged to Donate to Students to Help Pay $71K Tuition

Gothamist brings our attention to a tone-deaf email that went out to NYU staff last week, asking for donations to student scholarships, both to the "1831 Fund" specifically and also just in general. Tuition's up to $71,000 a year, after all, so "your voluntary participation is much appreciated," guys! » 3/27/15 4:00pm Today 4:00pm

Bride Who Killed Niece After Wedding Claims It Was an Accident

Last year, Christina George-Harvan had the best and worst day of her life: On one hand, she had just gotten married and was deliriously happy; on the other, she shot her niece dead during an argument after the party. Now, George-Harvan has taken the stand to defend herself against accusations that she shot her niece… » 3/27/15 3:20pm Today 3:20pm

How to Talk To Your New Girlfriend About Your Ex

First and foremost, congratulations on the decision to put your fuck parts together with another person's fuck parts in a more meaningful way than you were putting fuck parts together with others during the abysmal slog through Tinder you've been on since your break-up. Things are probably great: you two have stopped… » 3/27/15 3:17pm Today 3:17pm

Lollapalooza Bans Selfie Sticks, Becomes Slightly More Tolerable 

Anyone who was at Lollapalooza 2012, when a massive storm shut the festival down for hours and people dangerously flooded into the streets of downtown Chicago with no direction or purpose, knows life doesn't get much worse than that when it comes to music festivals. But for the average Lollapalooza attendee, the… » 3/27/15 2:30pm Today 2:30pm

Wan Erection: A Tribute to the Best Zayn Malik Fanfic on the Net

It's been a tough week for One Direction fans. And now that the weekend is drawing near, promising a full two days of grieving without any annoying interruptions like insensitive teachers or parents who just don't get it. Since the only way you'll ever see the boys together again is in your imagination, we've… » 3/27/15 2:10pm Today 2:10pm

Last of the Great Teen Lovers Arrested for Stealing Discount Vibrator

Picture this: You're 18, you're in love and you're also, inexplicably, in a Spencer's. The object of your affection, the only person who has ever and will ever matter, lifts up a box featuring a $13 vibe and says "I need this. I need this." You want to give her everything she wants. Hell, you'd pull down the moon for… » 3/27/15 12:50pm Today 12:50pm

India Fashion Week: Natty Nurses, French-Style Kurtas, & Femme Fatales

One fashion week ends, another begins—what editors know as "fashion month" is actually a misnomer reserved for Western cities (New York, London, Paris, Milan)—but include the entire world and it's essentially fashion year. With the conclusion of fashion weeks in Tokyo and Mumbai, New Delhi's India Fashion Week began… » 3/27/15 12:30pm Today 12:30pm

Man Forced to Sell His New House Because Comcast Lied to Him

A software engineer living in Washington state may have no choice but to sell the home he bought last December because, despite repeatedly checking with Comcast before he even considered buying the property, the company just can't (or won't) give him internet service. » 3/27/15 11:55am Today 11:55am