As we all know, the Aniston in her natural habitat subsists solely on free-range dandelion fluff soaked in gillywater. But on one occasion, Aniston recently confessed in an emotional interview, she and lover Justin Theroux road-tripped upriver into the dark kingdom of Mayor McCheese where—the horror, etc.—she was forced to consume a Large Mac OR SURELY DIE. She almost died anyway, she says, because her body was all, "WTF, lady? You feed me chia seeds and mist for 40 years and now you expect me to chow this meat-beef? Please."
Describing the horrifying experience, Jennifer said that she and her fiancé Justin Theroux once found themselves in a situation where they had no other choice but to grab some fast food.
“I’ll never forget when Justin and I were on a road trip and we were so hungry,” the Friends star said.
“The only thing around was McDonald’s. I think I ordered a Big Mac. Wow, my body did not react well to that! It was like putting gasoline in a purified system.
IT WAS LIKE PUTTING GASOLINE IN A PURIFIED SYSTEM, YOU GUYS. Whatever, I still like her. [Radar]
I don't understand anything about this story and I dislike being reminded of weird right-wing VJ Kennedy. But anyway, she says Michael Jordan tried to win her virginity in a dice game. So. I guess you guys deserve to know that, or something.
Kennedy — who was a huge MTV VJ back in the '90s — details the encounter in her new book "The Kennedy Chronicles" ... explaining how she was having dinner with MJ and Russell Simmons at the Bowery Bar in NYC, when Michael broke out some dice.
Before long, Kennedy says, Jordan decided it was "time to play for something" ... and said, "If I win, you come back to my hotel room with me tonight."
Kennedy says she freaked out because she was a virgin —and imagined MJ's giant penis would "eviscerate me from the inside out" ... so she asked if they could play for Knicks tickets instead.
And that's when Jordan allegedly reminded Kennedy he had a wife — and offered her Nets tickets as a consolation.
"Sure, he'll filet my vag like a sea bass if he won at dice on a men's room floor," Kennedy writes ... "but as soon as I want basketball tickets he's a Promise Keeper? Whatevs."
What? Uh, okay. [TMZ]
LeAnn Rimes says one time a bully tried to murder her with a knife.
"I was bullied when I was a kid — when I was in junior high. A lot of girls can get real mean during the sixth grade year," she said. "I used to perform around Dallas and Texas where I lived, a lot. My principal would put something on the bulletin board if I was in the newspaper or something, and there was this clique of girls that did not like it. So, I had my locker egged, I had a girl bring a knife to school the last day of sixth grade and tried to kill me! Awesome. So, I'd say I was bullied a little."
- Kylie Minogue does not sleep in elegant, constricting ballgowns says this article in all astonishment. [Express]
- WELL HERE CERTAINLY IS SOMETHING. [ClarityWay]
- Ugh, this racist Master Chef lady. UGH. [Radar]
- Edward Furlong got a bunch of charges dismissed for pleading no contest to domestic violence. [TMZ]
- "Rosamund Pike sizzles in lacy underwear on the front cover of Esquire." ROSAMUND R U OK? [Express]
- Cher wore her pajamas on the Today Show because she's fucking Cher. [Express]
- Kim Kardashian got mad one time. [Radar]
- Apparently Ryan Seacrest rode around on a yacht with Kelly LeBrock circa 1985. [Us]
- Kerry Washington is on the cover of Vanity Fair. [E!]
- Russell Crowe is claiming his Twitter was hacked after someone posted a photo of a naked lady's pubis. [ContactMusic]
- Sexual squat-march 4ever.
Images via Getty.