VHS Tutorials Definitely Made Dating in the 90s Way More Dangerous

Melissa McCarthy wore heels during her Saturday Night Live monologue, and was devastatingly charming about it. She should be in all the movies, not just the second-rate Jason Bateman comedies that studios slap together to remind us that overweight people are insidious identity thieves waiting to leech off of the success and virtue that thin people earn through many hours spent on a treadmill, flagellating themselves.

McCarthy makes pretty much everything she's in better, even if that includes a role in a 90s dating tutorial that purports to teach hapless ladies how to win a man's affections by reciting scores from the ESPN ticker and doing the splits on his face in your local supermarket's cereal aisle. It's a can't-fail strategy, except for the poor custodian who has to clean up the mess on the cereal aisle, but who has time to worry about the plight of minimum wage laborers when you're in full-blown seductress mode?