Sorry, Virginia Attorney General, But 'Sodomy' Is Not A Crime Against Nature Because Nature Loves Sodomy

Has it already been 22 days since Virginia overturned its Crimes Against Nature law, allowing consenting adults to have oral and anal sex with impunity? It feels like it's been much shorter than that, but I guess time flies when you are allowing your own citizens to make a cruel mockery of Mother Nature within the privacy of the hell caves they are calling bedrooms.

Virginia attorney general (and gubernatorial candidate!) Ken Cuccinelli has set out to put a stop to this short-lived reign of terror, during which consenting gay and straight couples have engaged in literally the exact same behavior that they engaged in before the ban was lifted, because a private sexual behavior occurs in private, where there are no slack-jawed crackpots present to be affected by it. Also because it is not unnatural to engage in non-copulatory sexual activity and because it has been unconstitutional to prohibit consensual gay sex since 2003. Sorry, Ken.

Undeterred by any of this logic, Mr. Cuccinelli has filed a petition with the 4th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals in Richmond asking all 15 judges to please reconsider their decision to overrule the embarrassingly antiquated and invasive law. Although the case at hand is complicated (it involves consensual, heterosexual oral sex with a minor — who was, nonetheless, above the Virginia age of consent), that does not change the fact that the ruling reflects the fact that the Crimes Against Nature law is incredibly discriminatory and obviously unconstitutional.

Furthermore, it's just obtuse to argue that that homosexual behavior, as well as oral and anal sex between heterosexual partners, is not natural, because 1) you know what else does not occur in nature? Almost every single thing that human beings do on a daily basis, such as using the toilet and eating food that's been cooked, and 2) it is not at all unnatural to engage in non-copulatory sexual activity. Some examples: bonobos, who are 98% genetically similar to human beings, have oral sex with each other. Male bonobos also do this fun thing called "penis fencing," and female bonobos engage in sex with other female bonobos. Bats have oral sex with each other. So do wolves, hyenas, gibbons, and goats (which is the best one because imagine the noises they make). Even beetles, who barely have brains and thus cannot be said to have a capacity for transgression of natural law, have been observed having gay sex. So let's shut up with that one for a little bit.

"Virginia Gov. Candidate Cuccinelli Defending Law That Forbids Oral Sex" [Mother Jones]