Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

Guys, what the world needs now is a big-budget display of American aggression. Thank Zeus for Paramount Pictures' G.I. Joe: Retaliation, which premiered last night in Hollywood. If you dig lantern-jawed dudes, WTF dresses and Molly Ringwald, step right up and check out this red carpet.

Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

Gray suits, always classic. Proof: DeRay Davis, Byung-Hun Lee

Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

3-piece suits continue to be A Thing. Rocking vests: Luke Bracey, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

More muted colors: Scott Porter, Aviva Drescher.

Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

Emma Heming went springy in a sparkly melon-hued dress. Bruce Willis does the cool-guy open-necked crisp white shirt thing, and it looks good.

Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

Glittery lapels for Dancing With the Stars' Gleb Savchenko, glittery trousers and heels for Elena Samodanova.

Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

As Michael Kors would say, this does not look expensive. However! Kudos to Elena Samodanova for looking like she's actually having fun.

Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

Love this preppy chic look on Lisa Leslie. Elbow patches!

Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

Molly Ringwald is a total class act in a LBD with crimson nails and lips.

Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

Hey, are you sick of flesh-toned/beige/nude/sheer/illusion dresses yet? Adrianne Palicki is not. She looks good, I guess, can't really tear my eyes away from what was I saying?

Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

Now we are entering the WHAT THE FUCK portion of the program. Elodie Yung is absolutely stunning, for real. That is a a face that renders mere mortals dumbstruck. But this dress is sooo Toddlers & Tiaras. Maybe it would be better in a deeper color, like emerald or red or black? I don't hate it but if you squint she looks like a six-year-old about to do her Beauty. What the fuck.

Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

Also in WTF: Rumer Willis in sheer white shirt with black bra. Just kind of an odd choice when you're going to the movies with your dad?

Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

And the winner of the WHAT THE FUCK achievement award: Rebecca Da Costa, dressed as Game Of Porcelain Thrones' Diaperina, of The House Poopy Drawers. Seriously: How does one urinate in this abomination?

Dashing Dudes and Dresses That Make No Sense at the G.I. Joe Premiere

Images via Getty.