Yo, Helen Mirren! Can I watch you have a cognac and take notes on how to be a woman? K thanks. During her speech after receiving her Legend Award at the Empire Movie Awards last night, Mirren drew attention to fellow award recipient Sam Mendes' sausage-fest of thank yous and inspirations. (Specifically: PT Anderson, François Truffaut, Martin Scorsese and Ingmar Bergman.)
"I don't want to unduly pick on Sam Mendes, but when he spoke about his inspirations earlier this evening, I'm afraid not a single one of the people he mentioned was a woman.
"Hopefully in five or ten years, when Sam's successor is collecting their Inspiration Award, the list will be slightly more balanced in terms of its sexual make-up. In the meantime, this one is for the girls."
So the Kids Choice Awards happened. SLIME ROUNDUP: Sandra Bullock and Neil Patrick Harris got slimed. Kristen Stewart received some secondhand slime from their hug. Josh Hutcherson and Amanda Seyfried got slimed. Slime shot rather pornographically out of a pommel horse. This happened. (That's Nick Cannon and Josh Duhamel in the sumo outfits.)
Johnny Depp unsurprisingly avoided slime, and also I bet he came out from that weird "exclusive" side door of the stage to get his award like a fucking Doosh, as usual. [CBS]
K-Stew sat on Katy Perry's lap. [Hollywood Life]
After HBO's Beyoncéumentary Life Is But a Dream noted the much-publicized professional and personal split between Bey and her dad/manager Mathew Knowles, he's decided to speak on the issue for one of the first times ever. Mostly to emphasize that she didn't shit-can him.
"I've never revealed this much in an interview before. Normally I hate to talk about anything personal, but it would be a lie if I did not say it has been difficult.
It was hard for me to let her go - it was hard for both of us to let each other go. And let's be clear on that. She didn't let me go, we both let each other go. That's a big difference. This was not a normal ending of a business agreement. This was a dad and a daughter and it was incredibly painful and it had some difficulties.
But I try to always have a positive mind about things and you got to do it the right way."
After two (2) cheek piercings, one (1) wig, one (1) incident of sitting in a Baja Fresh parking lot smoking weed, a grillion (1 grillion) DUIs, and one Tweet asking Drake to slaughter her pudendum, Amanda Bynes' parents are "ready to step in if needed." Fucking "if." [NYDN]
Sandra Bullock's ex-husband and possible former Neo-Nazi fucker Jesse James married a drag racer named Alex Dejoria yesterday in Malibu. Both of their daughters (9 and 10 respectively) were flower girls at the wedding. Which is admittedly cute. [People]
- Isla Fisher's writing a screenplay with her mom. Cuteeee. [Express]
- Someone sent Jared Leto an ear in the mail. (For Jordan Catalano? Maybe. For 30 Seconds To Mars? Keep your ear.) [NME]
- Louis Tomlinson is emerging as my personal favorite baby carrot in One Direction — he Tweeted "fuck you" at a tabloid after it ran some quotes from his estranged father about a possible reunion. [Daily Mail]
- Lockdown rehab definitely isn't real. Lindsay Lohan is actually gonna be One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nesting in the back of a Poughkeepsie White Castle for the next 90 days. [TMZ]
- Also: she's still drinking, but now she's ordering vodka in a glass carafe so nobody'll get a shot of liquor bottles at her table. [TMZ]
- Yuuuup so Madonna's unrecognizable. [NYDN]
- Tim Tebow will be in a Jesus-themed movie next year. [TMZ]
- Ahhh Blue Ivy and her tiny Timberlands are killing me and now I'm dead. [Bossip]
- Kate Upton might be too busy to go to prom with that kid but she likes the idea of picking out a dress. [People]
- Matt Lauer almost went to ABC after hearing rumors that Ryan Seacrest might be tapped to replace him on Today. [People]
- Candace Bushnell stuck up for The Carrie Diaries. [The Daily Beast]
- George Clooney and Matt Damon had a snowball fight. [People]
- Emma Stone without makeup looks like Emma Stone. [Daily Mail]
- Snooki's son Lorenzo got baptized. [Us Weekly]
- Kim Kardashian stuck a bunch of needles in her face. [Daily Mail]
- Micro-cat named Mr. Peebles. Photoshop job or tiny cat is truth? You decide. [This tiny cat]