Starbucks Says If You're Not Down With Marriage Equality, Sell Your Stocks

Everyone obnoxiously order your heavily modified breakfast beverage of choice, and say cheers to the boobless mermaids in Seattle. Yes, we're saying you should get a fancy coffee drink and thank Starbucks, because those shining examples of corporate decency strongly back marriage equality, and if you don't — they want you to burn your share of their stock and then kick yourself in the crotch.

In an interview with KPLU, shareholder Tom Strobhar and CEO Howard Schultz talk some sense:

At the company's annual meeting Wednesday, shareholder Tom Strobhar suggested that the boycott had indeed bled the company of value.

"In the first fill quarter after this boycott was announced, our sales and our earrings - shall we say politely - were a bit disappointing," he said.

CEO Howard Schultz shot back that the decision to back gay marriage was not about the bottom line, but about respecting diversity. He said the company had delivered a healthy return last year, boycott or no.

"If you feel, respectfully, that you can get a higher return than the 38 percent you got last year, it's a free country. You can sell your shares of Starbucks and buy shares in another company. Thank you very much," he said, to loud applause from the audience.

Fuck yeah, Starbucks! This is almost making me feel bad about all the free-ppuccinos I gave away when I worked there. What? I was young and naive, and my friends needed frosty cold beverages!

And while I'll still always choose my locally coffee hut (even if they are a bunch of snob assholes) over your corporate manse, I will frequent your pleasant green den of equality when I'm next in an airport. (Who am I kidding? I'm writing this from a Starbucks.)

[KPLU]